


Sealed

by Aryagraceling



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anbu Hatake Kakashi, Angst, Chakra exhaustion, Family Dynamics, Fighting, Hangover, M/M, Minor Character Death, Pining, Recovery, Resolution, Sealmaster Iruka, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love, Violence, awkward moments, kind of torture, mentioned Naruhina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-02 21:42:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14554146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aryagraceling/pseuds/Aryagraceling
Summary: When Kakashi Hatake rescued Naruto Uzumaki and Iruka Umino in the attack that ravaged Konoha sixteen years ago, he never thought he'd end up as part of their family.Not that he feels much toward them. Or anything, for that matter. ANBU stole his ability to feel the day he signed on. If the teacher and seal expert can break through the layers surrounding his carefully guarded heart, can he learn to be a part of this new Konoha?





	1. Happiness

“What is your name?” The officer in front of him looked over his tall frame appraisingly, gesturing for him to unmask.

“Kakashi Hatake.”

“What are you?” She made a twirling motion with a finger, and he spun slowly under her gaze, like a piece of meat put out for sale. 

“Team leader in ANBU Black Ops, assigned name Hound. Subordinates: Rabbit, Fox, and Bear.”

“Who do you serve?” She sat down at the desk and began to jot down notes on his condition post-mission. 

“Konoha.”

“Have you now, or ever since your sealing, experienced the want or need to be emotionally involved with anyone or anything?” Dark eyes searched his for any sign of a lie.

“Never.”

“Excellent,” she said. “Do you vow to protect and serve the Village, up to and including giving your life in the line of duty?”

“I do.”

“Dismissed, Hound.” Kakashi spun on his heel and walked out to the locker room, wanting to do nothing more than burn the blood away with a scalding shower, then sink into bed and banish the screams echoing in his head. 

 

**

When he arrived home that evening, he was greeted by the sight of a grinning Iruka and Naruto. “Guess what day it is,” Naruto said in a sing-song voice. When Kakashi merely raised his visible eyebrow, the boy smiled harder and came to throw his arms around him. “It’s your birthday!”

“Oh. Well, have fun celebrating, I guess,” Kakashi said. “I have a mission again tomorrow. I’ll be gone for a few weeks.”

Iruka gnawed his lip and looked at him. “Will you be back by the 10th? I wanted to take him--” He nodded toward Naruto “into the city for his birthday, and we’d like you to come along.” 

“It’d really mean a lot, Kakashi,” Naruto said. He backed up to the kitchen island and looked sheepishly at the ground. “I know you’re not really much for the whole ‘family’ thing, but it’s my 16th and…” Kakashi stared at him, eye completely neutral. “Ahh, it’s silly,” Naruto said. He waved one hand and rubbed his face with the other. “Never mind. Here. Have some cake. Let loose for a minute.”

Iruka pulled a plate from the oven and set it on the table, gesturing for Kakashi to sit. “Kept some food warm for you,” he said. 

“Thank you.”

“Um, no problem. Did you want to do anything tonight? It’s your night, after all,” Iruka said. He sat next to the ANBU and watched him eat mechanically, every movement fluid and precise. Kakashi could feel the gaze, but ignored it, as he did every night they ate together. He waited too long to speak, because Iruka started to ramble. “I mean, on your birthday you should probably do something fun, like, I don’t know, go to a movie or something? We could hang out on the roof, that’d be fun. Or Naruto could show y--”

“I’m fine,” Kakashi said. “I don’t celebrate, remember?” He pushed the plate away and looked between Iruka and Naruto. “I’d really prefer it if you two would just stop trying to rope me into doing things. You know how I feel about it.”

“Yeah, you fucking don’t,” Naruto muttered.

“Hey, language,” Iruka admonished. “Why don’t you go play Call of Duty for a while? I’ll take care of everything out here.”

“Whatever,” the boy said. He crossed his arms and sulked down the hall, and Kakashi picked up the sound of the TV turning on and Naruto whispering about how cold the ANBU was to him. 

“Kakashi, I…” Iruka dragged a finger back and forth on the table, nail rasping over the varnish. “I want to talk to you about something.”

“So talk,” Kakashi said. He pulled his plate back to finish the chicken parm Iruka had made. Iruka’s eyes widened as the he mentioned that it was good. “Yes, I complimented it. Happy birthday to me, if it makes you spit out what you want to say. I need to do laundry and pack.”

“I learned something a few weeks ago, when I was out with Anko. Something about ANBU.”

Kakashi tapped a finger irritatedly. “And?”

“Is it true that your emotions get sealed when you join? That you can’t feel...anything?” Iruka asked. 

“Correct,” Kakashi said. He hadn’t felt anything since thirteen years old, other than the sting of a blade and the burn of chakra exhaustion. “It makes one a better soldier. Much less room for error when feelings aren’t something to consider.”

Iruka let out a long breath. “That makes so much sense. Gods, have you ever thought about, I don’t know, doing something about it?” Iruka’s face was tired and pinched when Kakashi looked at him. “I, ahh…”

“Why are you nervous?”

Iruka crossed his arms and looked away. “I’m not.”

“You are,” Kakashi said. “You’re breathing quicker and stumbling over words. And tapping your foot isn’t helping convince me either.”

Iruka closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath. “Fine. Here it is. You know I’ve become somewhat of an expert in seals. And I know that it’s probably all sorts of illegal, but I wanted to give you a present for your birthday. Let me give you the ability to feel--crack open that armor. I want--” 

“No,” Kakashi said, harsher than he intended. Iruka flinched, and the ANBU backed off slightly. “I can’t. I’d be dismissed immediately if they knew.”

“So we can be careful,” Iruka said. “It’s like that Frozen song, Let It Go. ‘Don’t let them in, don’t let them see.’ Come on, Kakashi, it’s been sixteen years since we first met, became whatever this--” he gestured between them. “Is. Let me help you.”

“What makes you think I want help?” Kakashi asked. He got up and took his plate to the sink, rinsing it before putting it in the dishwasher. Pulling his mask back over his face, he walked to sink into a chair in the living room. Iruka followed, hands fluttering by his sides. “Come on, say it.”

“I don't think you do,” Iruka said. “But I just...I think it’d be better for Naruto if he had two parents who could--”

“I’m not his parent.”

“Gods, you don’t give me fucking anything to work with,” Iruka said. He groaned and lay down on the couch, hiding his face from Kakashi. “We’re his caretakers. Parent is good enough for me. Stop being pedantic.”

“Precision is im--”

“Be quiet,” Iruka said softly. He draped an arm over his eyes and sighed heavily. “I thought it’d make a good present. I’d start with happiness, Kakashi. I’m not stupid. Let me make you happy.”

Kakashi mulled the thought over.  _ Happiness. That wouldn’t be so bad. When was the last time?  _ Almost seventeen years later, and he had no idea. No inkling of happiness.  _ Rin? No, tainted. What was it like, to look at something and  _ feel? He closed his eye and rested his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands in front of his face. “Why would you risk that? You could get in huge trouble if someone knew,” he finally said. 

“Because.” Iruka heaved himself up to sit and look at the ANBU. “Even though you lack the capacity to give a fuck about me, I care about you. Like it or not, we’re family, as dysfunctional as we are.”

_ Family. Been even longer since I’ve had one of those. Ever since Dad-- _ His face went slack as the seal went into effect, barring the sadness. He dragged his eye to Iruka’s. “I don’t think it’s a good idea. Convince me, and I’ll reexamine.” 

Iruka held up a hand and ticked off fingers with each reason. “One--happiness isn’t too distracting, so you’ll be safe on missions. Two--Naruto needs more than me as an influence in his life, and who better than the other person he lives with?” Kakashi noticed the careful wording. “Three--happiness is easy to conceal, especially yours, since you’ll have to relearn it. Four--it can’t be fucking healthy to keep all that shit suppressed. I mean hell, does your brain just stop producing dopamine and oxytocin and shit, or what? Jesus.” He shook his head. “Five--It’d do you a world of good to experience something other than  _ grey _ for once. Let in the light. I promise--” He dropped to kneel before Kakashi and took the ANBU’s hands in his. “It’s worth it, Kakashi. I swear on my fucking life.”

“I could be discovered, Iruka, the point still stands,” Kakashi said. 

Iruka groaned in frustration. “It’s not hard to hide,” he repeated. “Seriously, you’re ANBU. You act all the fucking time. Why should this be any different? Just focus on not smiling. It’s not like you’ll run away over a rainbow clicking your heels or something.”

Kakashi pulled his hands away and tucked his legs beneath him, turning to stare out the window. “I don’t remember the last time,” he whispered. “That should bother me, but it doesn’t.” Iruka turned to lean his back against Kakashi’s knees and tipped his head back into the ANBU’s lap. “I don’t care that I can’t feel. Why do you?”

“Because we’re partners, Kakashi,” Iruka said, smiling weakly up at him. “And that’s what partners do. They care.”

Kakashi laid a hand on his head like he’d seen in movies, and Iruka relaxed into him.  _ Comforting, I suppose.  _ “I’ll consider it, okay?” he said. “Can I go pack now?”

Iruka nodded under his hand. “Go. I’ll be waiting, like always,” he sighed. He crept sluggishly away to haul himself onto the couch and grab the remote. “I’ll be up for a while. No school tomorrow. I’d kind of hoped you’d be home for the weekend.”

“Tsunade’s a cruel mistress,” Kakashi said, standing and stretching. “I’ll let you know before--” he glanced to the clock.  _ Seven. _ “Midnight? Will you be up then?”

“Yeah.”

“Before midnight, then. Do me a favor and set Chopped to re--”

“Set it to record, yeah, I know,” Iruka said, waving him away. “I always do. Go do your stuff. Vikings isn’t going to watch itself.”

Kakashi grunted and grabbed his bag from the kitchen, walking to his room. The door swung open with a slight creak, and he took a good look around at what constituted his life. Dull white walls unmarred by posters or paintings. A few orange books scattered on his small bookshelf. The plant Naruto had given him last year for his birthday.  _ Gods, maybe Iruka’s right. I do need something. Happiness, though? Is it even possible? _

He sighed as he tossed the bag onto the thin bed and began to sort through the discarded uniform pieces.  _ Wash, wash, clean, shit--this one’s garbage,  _ he thought, holding a tattered mask between two fingers. “Fuck. I don’t have time to keep doing this,” he said. “Iruka!” 

Footsteps raced to his door and Iruka poked his head in. “Made a decision already?”

“No,” Kakashi said. “Do you have any more of these hiding somewhere?” He held the mask out to the younger man, who told him to wait, then reappeared with a new one. “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

“‘S no problem,” Iruka said, leaning his head against the doorframe as he tossed the mask to Kakashi. “Like I said. Partners.”

“Right. Uh, you can go back to Vikings,” Kakashi said. “That’s all I needed.” Iruka walked away and soon the sound of battle cries and singing steel filled the house. “I really should do something for him,” he muttered. “Not feeling’s not an excuse for taking advantage, Kakashi, come on.”  _ You know you can’t let him undo the seals.  _

“You motherfuckin’ bitch ass camper,” Naruto screamed from the next room. “Quit fucking--aargh!” Kakashi heard Iruka get up to confront the behavior, and decided to do it himself. He walked out and held a hand out to stop Iruka, knocking on the boy’s door.

“Naruto.”

The disgruntled teen ripped open the door. “Yeah, I know, no swearing. But they just--just--ugh, can’t get  _ anywhere  _ without them,” he said. “You know how it is, Iruka.”

“Yeah, but you don’t see me cussing out the TV,” Iruka called from the chair. “You’re better than that.”

“Calm down and look at it rationally,” Kakashi said. Naruto glared at him. “Or not. Then you can think rationally  _ without  _ the game. Wouldn’t that be fun?”

“Fun. It’s not like you can have it,” Naruto said. Kakashi stared coolly and he retreated into his room with another muttered sorry and the promise he wouldn’t do it again.

“He’s right, you know,” Iruka said. 

Kakashi just turned and walked back to his room.  _ He’s right. I should want it, need it. But it’s been so long...which is why I should. I should do it. What’s the harm in happiness?  _ He gathered his clothes and went to throw them in the washer, ignoring the holes he felt Iruka staring into his back. When everything was sorted and started, he went to sit next to the younger man on the couch. “I’m still thinking,” he said. “Can I watch too?”

“O--of course,” Iruka stammered, unused to hearing such a request. “It’s your house too, why not?”

Kakashi curled in on himself and bit at his fingernails. “Wasn’t sure you wanted to see me.” 

Iruka snorted. “Course I want to see you. You’re almost never home, and when you are, you’re cooped up in your room. I love spending time with you,” he said. 

“I...didn’t realize you felt that way,” Kakashi said slowly.  _ I really could afford a little emotion. Don’t even realize I’m hurting them.  _ He sat and chewed until Vikings ended and another show came on. “If I say yes...” he began.

Iruka tensed and looked at him. “I--”

Kakashi held up a finger. “If I say yes, will you help me work through it? I’ll probably be a mess,” he said. 

“Yes, Kakashi, a million times yes,” Iruka said, breaking into a grin. He reached a hand toward the ANBU’s chest, and Kakashi shrunk back into the arm of the couch. “Sorry,” he whispered. “I just--you’re sure? You want this?”

Kakashi swallowed hard and nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He forced himself to relax, one body part at a time, and Iruka watched him unfold. “We should do this in my room,” he said hoarsely. “I’m safer there. More comfortable.”

Iruka stood and extended a hand. “Whatever you feel like you need,” he said, tugging Kakashi down the hall. “This will be difficult for you, and me. These seals, at least what I’ve learned, are kind of a bitch to break. Is that okay?”

“Yeah.” Kakashi sat on the side of the bed and only resisted slightly when Iruka removed his shirt, leaving his mask. He shuddered at the feeling of another’s fingers on his skin as Iruka pressed him to lay down gently. A heat gathered near his chest as Iruka gathered chakra in his fingers, beginning to work the very outer edges of the seal, feel the way down the happiness coil. “That burns, Iruka,” he said, wincing.

“I know. I’m sorry, Kakashi,” Iruka whispered. “Do you want me to stop?”

“No, keep going,” Kakashi said. His fingernails dug half moons into his palms as the younger man dug deeper, beginning to sweat with exertion. “Ahh, shit,” he whimpered. “It, uh, hurts. It hurts. Dammit.”

“I can stop at any time,” Iruka reminded him. Kakashi groaned and shook his head, instead choosing to screw his eyes against the sensation and focus on breathing. Soon a new warmth began to bloom in his chest, and he couldn’t contain his gasp as his eye flew open. “Shit, are you okay?” Iruka asked.

“Good, good,” Kakashi said. “Keep going, please, I feel it, I feel, I feel--”  _ They want me. Mission went well. Pakkun as a puppy, the way the sun shines through the leaves-- “ _ Oh my god, I feel it all, it’s--all at once--too g--how,” he stuttered around Iruka’s soft laugh of incredulity. “How did I miss this all these years _?”  _

“I don’t know, honestly,” Iruka said. “It’s what they did to you.” Kakashi tilted his head up to look at him, and he crossed his arms and grinned. “And what I’m undoing.”

A momentary bolt of panic shot through Kakashi’s chest before he was reminded of the crime they’d committed, but was quickly squashed by the sight of the younger man’s smile.  _ He’s smiling at me, for me.  _ “Incredible,” he whispered. Iruka moved over him and he scuttled backward, flush against the wall, unwilling to be touched again. “Stop.”

“Okay, Kakashi,” Iruka said. “No further.” He drew back, still smiling. “Thank you for trusting me. It means more than you’ll probably ever know. Do you want to watch a movie or something? I can put on a comedy, see if it triggers anything for you.”

“I should probably go slow, if that’s okay,” Kakashi said. He looked at Iruka through the mop of hair over his eyes. “But I could...sit with you, until laundry is done? I think that would make me, ah, happy.” The word rolled strangely off his tongue, and the warmth spread further from his core. “Baby steps.”

“Anything you need,” Iruka said. “I’m here for you. Family. Partners. Here for it all.” 

Kakashi pulled on his shirt and brushed past Iruka to perch on the couch again. “Thanks. I’m sorry I’m not a better person. I try, it’s just--”

“You don’t need to explain,” Iruka said. “The fact that you’re here and interacting makes everything worth it. Everything.” He sat delicately next to the ANBU and met his eye fearlessly. “You let me touch you, even, voluntarily. That’s never something I could’ve dreamt in my wildest dreams.”

“Can we back off the topic, please? It’s all too much,” Kakashi said. “I just--” He broke off to pinch his nose where a pressure was forcing its way through. To his surprise, the fingers came away wet. “What the fuck?”

“Normal,” Iruka said. “Don’t hold it back. You might do it often.”

“Well that’ll be fucking hard to hide,” Kakashi said, sniffing. 

“You wear a mask, it’ll be fine,” Iruka said.

Kakashi groaned. “This is stupid. I’m just having a conversation. If I cry every time that happens I’m fucked.”

“Well, if you need help, I’m only just a text away, you know that,” Iruka said. He smiled softly at the ANBU. “No matter what or who or were, all you need to do is press ‘send.’ I’ll be there. Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via [Tumblr](https://sparkswithyou.tumblr.com), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/AryaGrace4), or [Discord](https://discord.gg/sf4E5Up).


	2. Exhaustion

“Hello?”

“Hello, this is Shizune with Konoha General Hospi--”

Iruka groaned. “Save it, Shizune. How bad is he this time?”

The woman on the other end huffed before continuing. “He’s got chakra exhaustion, but not bad. Come pick him up, please,” she said. 

“I’ll be there in half an hour or so,” Iruka said. He bade her a quick goodbye before shouting to Naruto. “Hey, Kakashi’s back. Want to come with me to get him?”

“Is he dying?” Naruto asked.

Iruka turned off the TV and walked to peer into the boy’s room, watching him write on the computer. “No, he’s fine, just exhausted. Whatcha writing?”

“Mr. Hagane’s making us do the story of our birth for health class. I’m having a hard time with it. It’s not like my parents are here to tell me,” Naruto said. Iruka’s face fell. “I’ll skip this time. Tell him I’m busy.”

“You sure? It’d probably make him happy to see you,” Iruka said. 

“You know it won’t.”

“Actually…” Iruka paused.  _ Should I tell him?  _ “It might.”  _ Fuck it.  _ “I’m working with him on his emotional development. You could be pleasantly surprised.”

Naruto craned his head back to look quizzically at him. “Ice prince Kakashi? Feeling things? You’re crazy,” he said. “I mean, you’re good, I won’t deny it, but Kakashi, really?”

“Try giving him a chance,” Iruka said. He crossed the room to put a hand on the boy’s shoulder and squeeze lightly. “Still want to stay home?”

“I’ll make supper, how about that?” Naruto asked. “I found a recipe for some salmon I wanted to try.”

“Deal.” Naruto grunted when Iruka rubbed his hair before turning to leave. “Maybe Kakashi can help with the paper.”

“That’d be...nice,” the boy said. Iruka smiled as Naruto waved him away. “See you later.”

“Love you,” Iruka said, retreating to his room and pulling on a shirt and actual pants instead of sweats. “Be back in an hour or so.” He grabbed his keys and walked to the garage, starting his old Camry and wincing at the way his brakes squealed on the way out. City lights flashed by as he sped down the road into the center of town.  _ Again, Kakashi. Gods, stop fucking overexerting yourself. This is ridiculous.  _

__ He pulled into the back lot of the hospital and rushed through the door to the front desk. “Kakashi Hatake?” he asked. 

The blonde receptionist stared at the computer as she searched for a room number. “Ahh, looks like...room 214,” she said. “Down this hall, take a right, then a left, and should be on your right.”

Iruka tapped his hand on the desk and thanked her before heading down the twisted maze of corridors. “190...198...206...perfect.” He knocked on the door and waited for Kakashi’s voice.

“Who is it?” 

“It’s Iruka,” he said. 

“Come here, I’ve got news,” the ANBU called. Iruka’s face blanched as he opened the door and saw Kakashi gesturing for him.  _ Someone found out. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck-- “ _ Why are you so sad?” Kakashi asked, confused.

“What other news do you share with me except bad ones? Preparing ahead of time,” Iruka said, standing above him and crossing his arms. 

Kakashi smiled through the mask, and the way his eye lit up made Iruka’s heart beat quickly. “I’ve changed,” he said. “This one’s good news. I killed three people. Come here. Take my hand.” Iruka cautiously picked up the limp appendage and yelped when Kakashi gripped,  _ hard.  _ “I was so excited, Iruka. And I wanted to come home and tell you about it but I couldn’t, there was a mission to finish, and I needed to not be excited, which was harder than I exp--”

“Kakashi, hey, stop,” Iruka said, feeling the ANBU’s pulse race and watching his breath come quickly. “Don’t wear yourself out talking to me. Let’s get you home. We’ll talk there. Slowly.”

“But I wanna talk noooow,” Kakashi whined. Iruka groaned.  _ Of course, the only time he’s able to be somewhat normal is when he’s burnt out.  _ “Please, ‘Ru? I promise I’ll sleep when we get home. I just want to share my experiences and do thin--” He broke off, coughing. “Do things that make me feel good again.”

“At home,” Iruka said. Bending low, he whispered to Kakashi. “Seriously, shut up. People could hear you in here. Don’t fuck that up. Be an ANBU.”

Kakashi stiffened as his eyes glazed over with realization. “Right. My apologies. Take me there.”

“Gladly.” 

 

**

 

When they were all checked out and safely in the car, Kakashi began rambling again. “I kept a list of stuff. Genm--shit, Fox--Fox told me about it, he keeps one when he needs to remember how to be normal, social cues and stuff,” he said, fighting off a yawn. 

“Lists are good,” Iruka said. “I teach the kids that in the first few weeks of a new year.”

Kakashi grinned at him. “You made the list, I think,” he said. “Think I put it--yeah.” He pulled out a crumpled piece of paper from a pocket in his uniform. “Trees, dogs, sleeping, wind, you, Chopped, rain.”

Iruka glanced over with slight concern. “And that’s a list of?”

“I got happy when I thought about those things, I think. I’m still a little...ah, unsure? How to identify it? But it gave me the hot feeling in here.” Kakashi tapped his chest. 

Iruka felt heat creep up his cheeks at the admission.  _ Me. I make him happy.  _ “Good, Kakashi,” he said. The ANBU smiled and wiggled in his seat, and the teacher laughed.  _ It’s like watching a child,  _ he thought. A normal chakra-exhausted Kakashi was tolerable at best, but this was something entirely different.  _ Reversion?  _ The thought made his smile fall slightly.

“What? Do you not like that you make me happy?” Kakashi asked.

“Oh no, not at all. I love that,” Iruka said, turning into the driveway. “I was just thinking about the effects of unsealing. I think you might be, um…”  _ How do I put this delicately? _ “It’s like you’re experiencing happiness at the level it was sealed at, I guess? Though that might be the chakra exhaustion talking. You remind me of one of my kids.” He opened the door and pushed Kakashi back into his seat when he made to get up. 

“I’m an adult, I can do this myself,” Kakashi insisted, struggling with the seatbelt.

“You’re not doing such a good job of it,” Iruka said. He bent in and ignored Kakashi’s glare as he undid the clasp and helped the older man out of the car, pulling a pale arm over his shoulder. “Come on, quit struggling. It’s not healthy.”

Kakashi groaned as Iruka pulled him inside before leading him to the couch and setting him down. “Don’t use your teacher voice on me,” he said. “That makes the walls come up again. I don’t like it.”

“Noted,” Iruka said. He noticed Naruto standing in the doorway with a spatula. “Supper ready yet? Smells awesome.”

“What’s his deal?” Naruto asked, cocking his head toward the ANBU, who tugged on Iruka’s shirt.

“Hey, he made the list too,” he said excitedly. 

Iruka looked between the two of them before walking to Naruto and wrapping him in a hug. The boy struggled but gave in quickly. “Remember the feelings thing I was talking about earlier?” Iruka whispered. Naruto nodded against his face. “This is it. Just...go along with it.” He pulled back, but left an arm around Naruto’s shoulders as they both looked at Kakashi, who started smiling.

“Happiness, Naruto, you made the happiness list,” Kakashi said. He tried to struggle off the couch, but Iruka flew over and pushed him back down.

“Stop. You need rest,” he said. “We’ll talk over dinner, okay? Then you can tell Naruto all about it.” Kakashi crossed his arms and grumped, but accepted the deal. “He made salmon.”

“It’s done,” Naruto called from the kitchen. “Come help me plate it, Iruka.”

The teacher pointed to Kakashi. “Stay put. No moving.”

“Yes, Mr. Umino,” Kakashi said, sulking.

Iruka sighed as he walked behind Naruto to grab plates. “Seriously, it’s like he’s seven again. I’d hoped for thirteen, at least,” he muttered.

“So I’ll ask again,” Naruto said. “What in the hell is his deal? He’s never like this. It’s a pretty sudden change. Thought soldiers were supposed to be all cool and collected all the time.”

“Yeah, well, stuff’s changing,” Iruka said. “I can’t really tell you the logistics of it, but please, don’t tell  _ anyone.  _ I need you to promise. Just pretend he’s the same Kakashi he’s always been.”

“Or?”

“We could all three be in huge trouble,” Iruka said. “Seriously. Promise me.”

“Fine, fine,” Naruto said, spooning fish and asparagus onto the plates. “I promise I’ll pretend he’s the same cold jerk as usual.”

“Naruto,” Iruka said. “Hey, look at me.” The boy’s blue eyes flashed when they met Iruka’s. “I know you’re upset with that assignment, and I’m sure that’s brought up all sorts of feelings, but please, be kind. He’s going through a lot right now too.”

“Yeah,” Naruto muttered. “Let’s eat. I’m starving.” He took two plates, leaving Iruka to grab his own, and sat in the living room with Kakashi. “So I make you happy, huh?”

Kakashi nodded before tucking into the salmon. “Even when I thought back to when I found you, it made me happy,” he said. Naruto’s head shot up in shock. “I mean, the Kyuubi attack sucked and everything but really, it brought us together and that’s a good thing, because you both are good people and I think you can m--” His eyes widened as a thought crossed his mind. His voice dropped to a hushed whisper as he looked to Iruka. “Could you make me a good person too?”

“You’re already a good person, Kakashi,” Iruka said gently. “We’re just helping you recognize that.”

“Speaking of the Kyuubi attack,” Naruto said. He ignored Iruka’s pointed gaze. “Can you tell me the story, Kakashi? I’m doing a paper on my birth story for school and you were there.” 

__ “I’ll write it out for you after supper, Naruto,” Iruka said. “He needs sleep and I’m sure you want it done sooner than later.”

“Yeah, but--”

“No buts,” Iruka said. “I’ll do mine tonight, then you can ask him tomorrow, okay?”

“That’d probably be best,” Kakashi agreed. “I’m startin’ to--” He yawned loudly. “‘M gettin’ real tired.” He took one last bite of asparagus before trying to stand. “I’ll be better in the morning.” 

Iruka groaned in exasperation when he pushed the ANBU back down again. “Seriously, stop trying to move.” He took the older man’s plate and put it in the sink, walking back in to the sight of Kakashi staring at Naruto. “He’ll be here when you wake up, Kakashi.”

“But I’m feeling,” Kakashi said. “Lemme stay here for a second.”

Naruto began to fidget under the intense gaze. “Ahh, this is a little weird,” he said, chuckling uncomfortably. “Can’t I just give you a picture or something?”

Iruka hauled Kakashi up to lean against him as he dragged the ANBU down the hall to his room. “We’ll get you pictures,” he assured at Kakashi’s whine. “Until then, you need to sleep. You’re no good if you die of exhaustion.” Kakashi groaned as Iruka sat him on the bed and told him to undress and go to bed. “You too. No buts. I’ll come check on you before I get to sleep.”

“Fine,” Kakashi grumbled. “Go ‘way.” He shivered as Iruka traced a finger down his arm before walking out the door. 

Iruka sighed deeply when he exited the room.  _ Exactly like a seven year old, gods.  _ Naruto had turned on the TV to one of the animes he’d become obsessed with. “Thanks for dinner,” Iruka said. “I’ll clean tonight. Then I’ll write the story for you.”

“Cool,” Naruto said. “It’s not due for another two weeks but I figured I’d get it done early.”

“Good on you,” Iruka said. Naruto waved him off and he retreated to the kitchen to start taming the mess the boy had left. As he cleaned, he thought of the best way to put the painful experience into words. He hated talking about that night. The scars it had left on his heart burned as hard as the flames had as they’d consumed his home. He shut the dishwasher with a little more force than necessary, and started it, searching for anything else to clean before writing. “Nothing,” he said. “Looks like I’m drinking, then.”

Naruto glanced back at him as he walked with a glass and bottle of wine. “Planning on a fun night?” he asked.

“Not at all,” Iruka said, closing his bedroom door and leaning against the wall. “So fucking close to the anniversary, too.” He loved and hated this time of year. Each October meant Naruto was a year older, another year since fate had stitched them together. But also another year since his parents had been ripped from his tender 10-year old hands. 

The bottle clinked against his desk as he sat down, booted up the laptop, and opened a new document. One glass of wine went down quickly as he stared at the cursor blinking on the screen, and another was almost done when he began to write.

 

_ Sixteen years ago, the bombs dropped. One after another, they fell from the sky and devastated the city, felling skyscrapers and leveling homes. My parents were called out of retirement to help. They weren’t too powerful, but any shinobi available were out that night. I sat in the basement, terrified and crying in the dark, until I couldn’t hear any more blasts. _

__ _ When I walked into the open, all I saw was fire, smoke, and ash. Someone called my name, and I sprinted toward the sound, hoping to all the gods the voice wasn’t my mother’s, like it sounded. They continued to call for me, and I could hear the pain and rage, even when their voice became faint. Finally I heard the cry from under a collapsed roof. I tore at the wood and shingles, fingers bleeding and lungs burning, until I uncovered her face. My mother. Dying with a pole through her chest. _

__ _ She told me not to worry, everything was fine, but of course I didn’t believe her. She bled out in my arms, and I sat, watching the flames consume what was left of my home. I was in shock, couldn’t even cry as everything I loved just slipped away. My father was nowhere to be found.  _

__ _ Then, someone grabbed me. It looked like a demon dragging me away, the way everything reflected from his mask. I struggled and he just held me tighter, carrying me all the way to an emergency shelter. He told me to stay put and I did. What else was there to do? _

__ _ Before long, he came back with a baby in his arms. I’ll never forget the look on his face as he took off the mask and handed the child to me. “It’s Minato’s,” he whispered. His face was so young, and so old. And yet nothing. No expression, happy, sad, angry--not a thing. That was the first time I met you and Kakashi.  _

__ _ When everything was done and people were given the okay to go back to whatever remained of their homes, Tsunade came over with the boy and told me that we were to go home with him. He took us in, though he wasn’t pleased. And ever since, that’s where we’ve stayed. I did most of the work with you, raised you. The Kyuubi terrorist cell took everything away and presented me with a new family. I’ll never forgive them, but can’t ever thank them enough. _

 

“Good enough,” Iruka said. He shut his eyes against the images of blood and death, taking another deep drink from his glass. “What would I have done without him?”  _ Probably died. _

He saved the document and messaged it to Naruto before finishing the wine and taking the empty glass into the kitchen. “Thanks, man,” Naruto said from the living room. “Appreciate it.”

“Welcome,” Iruka said. He said good night to Naruto before slipping into Kakashi’s room. The ANBU was snoring, with arms and legs spread wide. Iruka smiled at the very human sight. Silver hair fell in tangles around Kakashi’s face, moving slightly with each breath. 

_ When did he become so beautiful?  _ Iruka started at the thought before relaxing into the alcohol’s grip and allowing himself to drift in thought.  _ From the minute he unmasked himself, you knew. Through all the shit, all the late nights with Naruto, all the big moments he deigned to appear for--he was always beautiful.  _ Iruka shut the door quietly behind him and sat cross-legged by the ANBU’s head. 

_ But when did you begin to love him?  _ That one stumped him. He never allowed himself to think about it, the fact that he was horribly, soul-crushingly in love with a completely unavailable man.  _ But now… _

He tried to slam the walls up around the intrusive thought, but his lowered guard refused to climb back up, instead regaling him with images of what life could be like.  _ Watching him sleep like this, in my bed. Laughing at something stupid the dogs did. Him looking deep into my eyes and telling me he lov-- _

__ “Stop,” he growled softly. He stood and stumbled backwards to the door. “You know you can’t.” He opened it and raced back to his room, collapsing on the bed with hands over his face. “Dammit. This, Iruka. This is why you don’t fucking drink. Should’ve left the whole thing alone.”

The clocked ticked away the minutes as he tried to come back to himself, tried to avoid any thought of the ANBU. He focused on relaxing his muscles and trying not to let the pinpricks at the back of his eyes escape. Naruto finished watching TV and Iruka listened to the noise of him getting ready for bed. When he settled, the teacher let out a shaky sigh.  _ Alone. Again.  _ One hand fisted in the sheets as the other arm rested over his face. “Leave it.”

He heard Kakashi begin to groan down the hall. “Not your problem,” Iruka whispered. “Not yours. He can handle himself. Stay here.” Kakashi continued to make noise, past the point of his normal dreaming, and Iruka grunted in frustration.  _ You know you’re going to end up going to him anyway. Stop fighting it. Give in.  _

He sighed and sat up, still feeling warm from the wine. “Might as well fucking admit it to him now while he’s asleep,” he said bitterly. The door creaked open and he walked to Kakashi’s room, slipping in and putting a hand on the bare shoulder in front of him. “It’s okay, Kakashi,” he said softly, knowing the ANBU couldn’t hear him, but wanting to comfort him anyway. “Just imagine me loving you. Isn’t that nice, right?” Kakashi let out a long moan and curled in on himself, away from Iruka. “I know, I know, impossible,” Iruka said. “But if you’re dreaming, so can I.”

He stood there until Kakashi’s breathing evened back out, murmuring comforting nonsense the entire time. Before he left, he bent to press his lips gently to the pale skin of Kakashi’s temple. “I love you,” he whispered. He walked away and just as he was about to shut the door, Kakashi’s voice devastated him.

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via [Tumblr](https://sparkswithyou.tumblr.com), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/AryaGrace4), or [Discord](https://discord.gg/sf4E5Up).


	3. Regret

The house was empty when Kakashi woke two days later. His body creaked like the bones of the old building as he got up to stretch, pulling open the curtains to let in blinding light. Iruka was perched in the large oak in the backyard, staring blankly out into the street. Kakashi made his way to the kitchen and poured a bowl of cereal before stepping onto the porch. “What’re you doing up there?” 

Iruka didn’t move when he spoke. “You knew. All these years, and you...you fucking…” He turned away and Kakashi noticed the way his fist clenched rhythmically, angrily. “Years of my life, wasted, pining after some ghost of a possibility.”

Kakashi’s walls slammed up as the happiness he’d felt at the sight of Iruka tried to give way to anger, fear, and confusion. “I thought it’d make you happy that I knew,” he said coolly. “I felt something when you said it. Apparently I was wrong.” He took a bite of cereal and turned back in the house, sinking into his chair and crunching loudly.  _ Stupid seals. Make me a fucking idiot.  _ “It was a nice enough gesture. Gods,” he huffed.

The door opened and slammed shut as Iruka came in and stalked to the basement. Heavy beats sounded as the treadmill started, and Kakashi leaned his head back and let the sounds of Celldweller wash over him.  _ Yeah, he’s pissed. He never runs. And not to this music.  _

He finished the rest of his bowl in silence before turning on the TV to flip through the channels. “No, no, no, no--dammit,” he said. The Walking Dead, Arrow, Suits, and the Office flashed across the screen, none catching his attention enough to break through the stony barrier of the seal. “Nothing good’s ever on during the day,” he said, scrolling further until an absurdly atrocious fight scene earned a small laugh. “Monty Python and the Holy Grail,” he said. “‘Bout time I watched it, I guess.”

The movie sucked him in and soon he was beaming at the antics of the knights, knees pulled into his chest as he laughed. Iruka’s footsteps were heavy on the stairs as he trudged back up and poured a glass of water before leaning against the doorway and looking at the TV. “That’s not going to win you brownie points,” he said. 

Kakashi’s smile faltered as he looked back to see dead eyes staring out of a curtain of brown hair. “I wasn’t planning on it,” he said, pulling his knees tighter. The warmth began to recede as Iruka’s gaze burned a hole in his side. “I thought it’d be a good idea to explore, and I know it makes you laugh.”

“Whatever,” Iruka muttered. “Tsunade called. She’s calling back later. Sounded angry. You’d better not have fucked this up.” He walked away and Kakashi winced as his door slammed shut. 

Almost on cue, Kakahsi’s phone rang. “Hello?”

“We’ve got new intel on Orochimaru,” Tsunade said. “He’s hidden near Oto. I’m putting a team together to put him down, and you’re on the list. Can you do it?”

“Give me two days and I’ll be recovered and ready to go,” Kakashi said. He slid down to the floor and laid himself out on the carpet, already itching to leave.

“Excellent. Meet at ANBU headquarters on the 11th, 7 AM. Your team and Ibiki’s will be working together. See you then.”  _ Click.  _

_ It’s my chance, now. My turn,  _ he thought.  _ That bastard won’t know what hit him.  _ He’d been dreaming of the day he could find the man who’d turned his life upside down, caused his father’s death. On a mission to eradicate the snake, his father had been forced to choose between saving his friends or Konoha, and he’d chosen his friends. Kakashi could still hear the cries of outrage in the courtroom when Sakumo had been pardoned, and louder still his own cries when he’d happened upon his father’s body, slit open from stomach to chest. 

He clenched the phone to his chest as he sat up, a predatory grin slipping across his face. “I’ll kill him,” he said. He stood and conjured an image of the snake, the way he’d smiled down at him outside the courtroom and told him it was all his doing. That he’d orchestrated the attack.  _ ‘Your father was just a pawn and now the city will abandon him. Better hope he’s a big enough coward to off himself before I get to him again.’  _

Kakashi knocked on Iruka’s door and ignored the muttered ‘go away.’ “I need you,” he said. “Need another seal broken.”

The door flew open and Iruka’s eyes pierced his. “Can you leave me alone, please? I can’t deal with your shit right now. Just…” He sighed and dipped his head. “You can’t drop bombs like that and then ask me for fucking favors.”

“You’ll like this one, I promise,” Kakashi said, stepping forward and causing Iruka to step back. “Got a new mission. Has to do with my father.” Iruka glanced up, concern evident on his face. “Revenge. I just need one unlocked,” he continued, pressing on until Iruka stumbled back onto his bed. Kakashi leaned over him, locking his arms on each side of Iruka’s chest and staring intently with both eyes.

Iruka gulped at the forced closeness and the buzz of chakra as the Sharingan activated. “And?”

“Make me feel what you do right now,” Kakashi said. “I want that pain. I want to feel what I see when you look at me. Anger. Make me angry.” He doubled over when Iruka sank a knee deep into his gut. 

“Fuck you,” the teacher grunted, shoving him away. “It’s the day before Naruto’s birthday and you agreed to go out with us. I’m not letting you ruin that with being a pissy jackass.”

Kakashi stumbled over a pile of papers on his way back out of the teacher’s room. “Oh, I’ll be the jackass?” he asked. 

Iruka’s lip curled in a snarl as he lunged toward the ANBU. “I know how to control myself around others,” he said. “I’ve had twenty-six years of experience. You’ve had three fucking weeks of being happy, and already you’ve managed to test me more than my kids.” 

“Control? You don’t know the meaning of the word,” Kakashi said snidely. “Look at you.” He caught Iruka’s arms in a bruising grip as the teacher moved to push him down the hall. “I taught you to fight better than that. See? C’mon Iruka,  _ control  _ yourself.”

Iruka wrenched out of his grip with a frustrated cry before walking backwards down the hallway, hands held pleadingly before him. “Why can’t you just be normal? That’s all I ever wanted, a normal life,” he said, backing up against the wall. “Then you had to come and wreck any chance of that, with your--” He gestured toward the ANBU wordlessly. “You. I should’ve been ANBU instead. Would’ve made life a whole lot easier.”

Kakashi crossed his arms and stared until Iruka’s chest stopped heaving and he sank to the floor. “So, will you do it?”

A dull  _ thud  _ sounded through the hall as Iruka leaned his head back and away, refusing to look at Kakashi. “Whatever,” he said.

“After Naruto’s birthday?”

“Fine.”

They both heard the crunch of gravel and the slam of a car door before Naruto burst in, obviously on a quest for something. He stopped short at the sight of the two men. “What happened?” he asked. “Also, welcome back to the land of the living, Kakashi.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Iruka said. “Going somewhere?”

“I was gonna spend the night at Sasuke’s, if that’s okay,” Naruto said, flushing. “He and Sakura and I have a project to finish and then we’re going out to watch the new Blade Runner.”

“Go,” Iruka said. “Have fun. Just be sure you’re home tomorrow so we can go out.”

“Are you coming?” Naruto asked Kakashi.

“‘Course I am,” he said. He walked to ruffle the blonde mop but Naruto ducked below his arm and out in back of him, disappearing into his room. “Wouldn’t miss it,” Kakashi said through the door.

Iruka struggled up and walked past Kakashi to his room, groaning when the ANBU followed. “If he’s going out, I am too,” he said, throwing clothes into a backpack. “Anko and Izumo have been after me for weeks to try out a new club. Maybe I’ll find someone worth my time.” 

Kakashi winced. “Just remember, plans tomorrow. Don’t get too fucked up.”

“I know,” Iruka said irritatedly. He pushed Kakashi away once more to rush down the hall, slamming the door behind him. 

Naruto walked out, brow knit with concern. “Are you guys okay? That’s not like him. And he’s been moping the last few days,” he said.

“Fine. He’s just mad about something I said,” Kakashi muttered. He ran a hand through his hair and patted Naruto’s shoulder. “Have fun with Sasuke and Sakura. I’m looking forward to tomorrow.”

Naruto leaned into the touch, eyes closed. “Good. I’m really glad you’re finally starting to not be so emotionally constipated.” Kakashi’s mouth dropped open as the boy waltzed away. “Bye, ‘Kashi!”

“Emotionally constipated. Boo,” the ANBU said when the door shut. “Should’ve stayed that way.”

 

**

The next night, after they’d gone to the city and celebrated, Naruto insisted on sleeping, claiming tiredness from being up the whole night before. Iruka hugged him tightly, even inviting Kakashi to join in. “Happy birthday,” he whispered. “Happy anniversary to us, as well.” His eyes met Kakashi’s sadly as he let them go. “Right. Goodnight, Naruto. See you tomorrow.” Naruto disappeared and the two men were left alone in the soft glow of the living room lamp. 

“I leave in the morning. Can you unseal me now?” Kakashi asked.

Iruka’s shoulders slumped dejectedly as he waved the ANBU toward his room. “Yeah,” he sighed. “You realize these two together will cause some...interesting reactions, right?”

“Like what?”

“I mean, anger and happiness are different. And you’ll probably swing from one to the other,” Iruka said. He screwed his eyes shut as Kakashi pulled off his shirt and laid on the bed, still masked. “It’ll be a lot more effort to keep anger hidden.” 

“I won’t need to mask it when I wrench his guts from his body,” Kakashi whispered. Iruka’s fingers burned his chest as the seal began to unwind, and Kakashi tried not to groan in pain. “Reach in and tear him apart,” he panted, focusing instead on what he’d do to Orochimaru. “Kill him like he killed Dad. Make him suffer. Hate, I hate him.” 

Iruka’s jaw clenched as the descriptions grew more graphic, and Kakashi trembled below him as the final vestiges of the seal vanished. “There,” the younger man said. “Don’t come back exhausted again. And don’t forget--hide this shit.”

Kakashi’s upper lip twitched as he willed down the rage threatening to burst from his chest, and he inhaled deeply against the feeling. “Please leave,” he said, not wanting to make the teacher angrier. 

“Good,” Iruka muttered. “See you whenever.”

The ANBU nodded as Iruka walked out. Murder was the only thing on his mind as he shut off the light and lay awake in the dark, waiting for dawn and the chance for redemption. 

 

**

“Been a while, kid,” Orochimaru hissed. He wound his way from behind his desk and stepped over the bodies littering the room. “How long now, twenty-some years? Twenty years it took you to face me again. Pathetic.”

Moisture dripped down the porcelain mask in front of him as Kakashi breathed heavily, eyes darting to the forms of his slain team.  _ Fuck, my fault,  _ he thought.  _ Shouldn’t have asked for it.  _ His face snapped back to the pale face rapidly advancing toward him. “Twenty years of stewing in hatred,” he spat. “My life went down a real fucking dark path because of that incident, you bastard.”

Orochimaru snickered as they danced around each other. “Someone’s testy,” he said. “Thought you had that beaten out of you.” Kakashi shouted as his leg muscles bunched and his shoulder flew into Orochimaru’s chest, knocking him over Rabbit’s body to the floor. He stood quickly and planted a foot on each of the serpent’s hands, bones cracking under his weight. Orochimaru struggled against the hold and his legs flailed up to try knocking Kakashi down. 

“That was the old ANBU,” Kakashi said. He ground his boots into the floor, causing more cries. He slowly unsheathed the blade he’d brought, his father’s, and Orochimaru’s eyes widened in recognition. “Yeah, that’s right,” he whispered. “Fear me.”

“Never,” Orochimaru said.

“I was going to make you hurt,” Kakashi said. “Like you did my father. But now--” His armor clinked lightly as he began to shake, hatred coursing through his veins, and a smile began to break on his lips. “Your people killed my team, and I killed them in turn. Felt real fucking good.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Orochimaru asked. “You’re supposed to be unflinching, cold, monst--” He couldn’t finish his sentence before Kakashi slammed the blade through his eye, pinning him to the floor. 

“Monstrous.” Kakashi knelt on top of the corpse, and to his surprise, a laugh began to bubble out from his chest. “You sick fuck,” he laughed, tossing his head back and giving in.  _ Who’s going to see? They’re all dead.  _ “Welcome to the new era of ANBU. I’m here, I’m pissed, and coming for fucking blood.” He couldn’t stop the way his mind flipped between rage and exultation, and he sat there, just rocking, until he started coming down from the high. 

His cell phone chimed and he fished it out from his pants, seeing Tsunade’s name flash across the screen.

\-- **Is it done?**

**\--** _ Everyone’s dead except me, but yes _

\-- **Get out and report to base. I expect a full explanation as to why 5 ANBU couldn’t survive a well-prepared assault on a small tower.**

Kakashi sighed deeply before texting back.

\-- _ We didn’t know everything. _

\-- **Explain later. Get out.**

 

The car ride back to the Tower was spent trying to calm himself down enough to think of an explanation other than ‘I lost it and they had a lot more well-armed guards than we expected.’ He plugged in his phone and thumbed through Spotify before deciding on Panic! At the Disco. “Light. Fun,” he said, trying to tamp down the feelings. “C’mon, Hatake,  _ think.”  _

His finger tapped the wheel anxiously as he went through security and into the large compound. “You can’t fuck this one up,” he said as he parked. Steeling himself, he stepped out of the car and walked into Tsunade’s office. She motioned for him to shut the door, and stared from behind crossed fingers.

“So. Everyone died. That’s...unexpected,” she said. Kakashi gnawed on the inside of his cheek.  _ She always does this, makes you feel so fucking small. “ _ Spill, Kakashi. What happened?”

“I can...just let me...here. Let me start from the beginning.”

 

**

Tsunade grilled him for what seemed like hours, and when he got home, there was nothing he wanted more than to collapse in bed. But there was Iruka, pestering him with questions about his condition.

“There’s so much blood, jesus, Kakashi. Is it yours? Did you get hurt? What about Orochimaru? Did you complete the mission?” Kakashi rubbed his temples in the mirror above the vanity as Iruka continued to speak outside the bathroom door. “Did she find out or suspect anything? Are you okay?”

“Iruka, shut  _ up,”  _ Kakashi finally yelled. He ripped open the door to the sight of Iruka falling back against the wall. “It’s not your job to care for me, so just  _ stop.  _ My life’s been nonstop fucking ‘Is everything good? Be normal, do the feelings thing, become a family’ since you and Naruto were thrust on me.” 

Iruka blanched then got incredibly red as Kakashi’s words sank in. “We  _ are  _ a family,” he said quietly.

“We aren’t,” Kakashi said. He braced himself with both hands as he leaned out the door, talking down to the teacher. “ _ We--” _ he spat the word out like it was poisoned. “Are nothing more than me, an overemotional teacher who thinks he’s in love with me, and a kid who will never know how it feels to grow up normally.” His fingers left dents in the wood as chakra began to flow dangerously under his skin. 

“Kakashi, stop,” Iruka whispered. 

The ANBU’s body shifted so he was kneeling in front of Iruka, and he took his chin in one hand, forcing their eyes to lock. “Am I okay? Of course not,” he said, cold as ice. “I had my life stolen piece by piece, and now, I’m adrift in this sea of nothingness with only two ways of experiencing it. My dreams are haunted by things I’ve done, and it’s been killing me for all thirty years of my miserable fucking life.”

“Let me give you a third way,” Iruka said, slapping Kakashi’s hand away. He pushed the older man back against the wall and pressed a heated palm to his chest, seeking out a new coil in the seal and shooting chakra down mercilessly. Kakashi struggled as his skin burned.  _ Not normal, careful, gods-- _

“Stop,” he grunted. 

“Oh, don’t worry. Almost done,” Iruka said, pressing deeper. “You’ll love this one. Really make you feel like I do.” He grunted as he broke through the last part and stepped back, glaring at Kakashi. “You’re not the only one who had their life stolen. Bet you regret picking us up, yeah? Sit and think on that.” He whirled on his heel and grabbed his bag from his room, flying out the front door and peeling out of the driveway.

Kakashi sat in shock before clasping a hand over the new marks on his chest, groaning as he got up to examine the burns. “He’s right,” he muttered. “Would’ve been so much better.”  _ Regret. Do I really?  _ He turned on the shower and stripped, standing under the cold water in hopes of freezing the feelings out of himself, reverting back to normal. 

Iruka’s parting words rattled around his head and he curled both arms over his hair, trying to ignore the pain and anger he’d witnessed.  _ ‘You’re not the only one who had their life stolen.’  _ He gasped as the image of Iruka’s twisted face invaded his mind. ‘ _ Make you feel like I do.’ _

He staggered backwards as pain overwhelmed him, blanketing memories in darkness.  _ Regret. All those nights he stayed with me after missions. Taking over Naruto. He...regrets it?  _ Kakashi groaned and finished his shower, watching the red flow down the drain as his skin became visible once more. 

‘ _ Years of my life, wasted, pining after some ghost of a possibility.’  _

“Stop,” Kakashi whispered. “What the fuck did you do to me?” His hands shook as he grabbed for his phone and retreated to his bed.

_ ‘Ghost of a possibility.’ _ His vision blurred as he stared at the screen, tears burning like Iruka’s hand had. ‘ _ I love you.’ _

“He regrets it. Regrets me. Loving me. What the fuck?” The phone dropped on the covers as he brought his hands to cover his mouth. “It’s all my fault,” he said, hushed. “Oh my god, it’s  _ me.”  _ The ANBU vows he’d taken fled his thoughts  as he brushed away the tears and opened the phone, dialing Iruka’s number. It rang until his voicemail picked up, so Kakashi tried again. “Come on, come on, pick the fuck up,” he growled. 

Time and time again he called, until the weight of the day forced him back into the pillows, eyes closing in pain. He opened his messages and sent Iruka the words that had been racing through his head all night.

_ \--Make it stop. Please, make it stop. _

He pressed the cool glass to his forehead and waited for the familiar chime of a message, but it didn't come. His teeth ground together as he tried to get a hold on the tears.  _ Make it stop.  _ He looked at the clock.  _ 10:15. Still no message.  _ Sleep tugged at his eyelids and he curled around a pillow, needing some form of comfort through the night. He set the phone on the nightstand, foregoing hope that Iruka would text back before he fell into unconsciousness. 

_ Just...stop. ‘Make you feel like I do.’ _

_ Stop. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via [Tumblr](https://sparkswithyou.tumblr.com), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/AryaGrace4), or [Discord](https://discord.gg/sf4E5Up).


	4. Resolution

Iruka’s head pounded in time with the beep of his alarm in the morning. He buried his face deeper into the pillow and fumbled uselessly for his phone, sitting up in shock when he hit a face. “Stop it,” Izumo grumbled, slapping his hand away and rolling over. 

_ Izumo? _

“Turn that motherfucking thing off before I bash it with a stiletto,” Anko groaned from above them. 

_ Where the fuck am I?  _ He lifted his head and looked around, taking in the piled blankets and overpowering scent of smoke.  _ Anko’s room?  _ “Mm, where’d you put it?” he asked.

“By the side of the bed,” she said, pointing limply to the lit-up screen. “It is  _ killing  _ me.”

“Yeah, well, if you wouldn’t have taken it away last night we wouldn’t have this problem,” Iruka said, reaching over and sliding the alarm off.  _ So many notifications, Jesus.  _ He flopped back onto the pillows and let his arm go limp, phone thudding to the floor. 

“We were sick of you playing the ‘will I/won’t I’ game of texting your baby daddy that you’re sorry,” Izumo said.

Iruka threw his hands over his face.  _ Shit, Kakashi. “ _ He made it crystal fucking clear he wants no part of any family of mine,” he said. “That’s why I’m here on your nasty-ass floor, Anko.” 

“I swear to all the gods, if you bring it up one more time, you’re never coming here again,” Anko muttered. “‘I’m Iruka, I’m totally in love with this guy I live with, and he’s a dick who barely knows I exist, but maybe I can change it! I’m good at fixing!’” Her hands flailed wildly above her as she ignored Iruka’s glare. “Seriously, dude, it’s pathetic. Quit obsessing over him.”

“I’m not obsessing,” he said, bringing the phone to his face and scrolling through the notifications.  _ Facebook, facebook, twitter, instagram, twitter again… _ “Did you update all my social media for me? So kind of you.” 

“Made sure to put all the dirty pictures we took of you too,” Izumo said. When Iruka glanced over in horror, he waved his hand and laughed. “Kidding, Iruka. Quit being so uptight. Look for yourself if you’re worried.”

Iruka licked his lips, trying to work some saliva into his dry mouth.  _ Dammit, smoked too. Well, I  _ was  _ off of ‘em.  _ “Next time I’m leaving it at home,” he said, propping up on one elbow.  _ Instagram, email, missed call, missed call, missed call-- “ _ Oh my god,” he whispered as he read Kakashi’s text. ‘ _ Make it stop. Please, make it stop.’ _ “I’ve gotta go.” He scrambled up from the blankets, tripping over Izumo’s leg and earning himself a smack on the calf. 

“Don’t be the little bitch who goes running back,” Anko said. She threw his shirt at him from where it had landed on the bedpost. “It’s unbecoming.”

“No, you don’t understand,” Iruka said hurriedly.  _ Fuck, keys...gotta find my keys.  _ He patted the blankets and heard the familiar jangle. “Kakashi doesn’t do that. He doesn’t beg. Why didn’t you fucking tell me he called?”

“You were out to  _ forget  _ him,” Izumo said, tossing him his backpack. “Wouldn’t have done much good to tell you he’s calling for you.”

“Whatever,” Iruka said. He waved goodbye before exiting the cramped apartment, hoping he’d parked somewhere close. When he didn’t see the Camry on the street closest to Anko’s, he let out a frustrated grunt and ran his fingers through his hair, walking down the next street. “Oh thank gods,” he said, catching sight of the old familiar green. He got in and peeled out quickly, fingers flying to listen to the three voicemails Kakashi had left. 

 

** _ It’s me. What the fuck was that? You burned me, asshole. And it hurts. Everything hurts. Why?  _ You  _ regret all the shit that we’ve been through? Fuck you. I never should’ve listened to you. Convinced me that feeling things was better. You fucking liar. Everything is better than this. I’d rather walk in on my dead father again than feel this pain there’s nothing I can fucking do about. Don’t bother coming home. I hate you for this.  _

 

Iruka’s eyes welled up, partially because of the blinding sunrise, and mostly because of the venom in Kakashi’s voice. He cued up the next voicemail and clutched the steering wheel, fingernails denting the fabric.

 

** _ Iruka, pick up your phone. Where are you? Why aren’t you available? Fuck, you’d better be okay. Come back and fix this. Reseal it. I can’t handle this, not alone. Take it away. Take the feelings away. Make it stop. It’s too much, all at once, I can’t--just come back. Ignore the last message. I need it to stop. Gods, it hurts. Help me. _

 

The ANBU’s desperation wrenched his heart as he drew closer to home-- _ if it’s even that anymore,  _ he thought--and he swiped at his eyes as the tears began to fall. The third message began to play and he couldn’t help his gasp at the need in the whispered words.

 

** _ I’m so sorry, Iruka. Please. I need you. I don’t want you to go away.  _ Iruka swore he heard a muffled sob.  _ I get it if you want to stay away but please, at least help me one last time. Make it stop. Please. Please, please, please help me. _

 

Iruka smacked his fist against the wheel as he turned down their street, pulling into the driveway with a screech. “You better not have done anything, you bastard,” he whispered, fighting his keys to unlock the door. “Better be all right.” The knob smacked into the wall, but he paid no attention, rushing to Kakashi’s room and throwing his door open. 

One bleary eye stared at him over the ANBU’s death grip on his body pillow. All feeling left Iruka’s legs and he sank to the floor, shaking. “You came back,” Kakashi croaked. 

Iruka wrapped his arms around his legs and nodded, pressing his forehead to his knees. “Anko had my phone,” he whispered. “I didn’t get your messages until this morning. I thought--” He ran both hands down his face and looked to Kakashi, cursing the way his lip quivered. “Jesus, I thought you’d done something.”

“I want to,” Kakashi said. He tucked his face behind the pillow and Iruka noticed his shoulder shake. “I want to make this all go away.” 

“I can reseal you,” Iruka said. He grabbed his hair with both hands and drew his elbows in front of his face, groaning. “Gods, it’s all my fucking fault. You’re right. You never should’ve listened.”

Kakashi peered out at him again, face tear stained. “But I wanted to. I wanted to be happy, and angry, and all those things. I wanted to be human again,” he said quietly. “And now, I just--” His voice broke off in a low whine as he curled tighter. “I don’t know anymore. Everything’s so confusing.”

Iruka glanced at the clock and swore. “I need to call into school,” he said. 

Kakashi shook his head. “You should go. Don’t let me get in the way of work.”

“No,” Iruka said. He held up a finger to silence Kakashi as he dialed. “Hey, Kurenai, it’s Iruka. Family emergency. I won’t be in today.”

\-- _ You couldn’t have called sooner? Do you have lesson plans? Anyone to sub for you? _

“I just found out a few minutes ago, sorry. Lesson plans are in my top left hand drawer. If Lee didn’t make copies of the assignments for me, just put on Bill Nye or something. They’re kindergarteners, they’ll be thrilled.”

\-- _ Fine. You’re on playground duty for the next few weeks, then. Hope everything works out okay. _

Iruka looked to Kakashi, who glanced away. “I hope so too. Thanks. Talk to you soon.”

\-- _ Yep, bye. _

Kakashi chewed on his lip when he raised his head to look at the teacher again. “I’m not that important,” he said.

Iruka sighed, exasperated. “Don’t sell yourself short,” he said. Kakashi drew back on the bed as Iruka scooted closer, resting his chin on the mattress and staring up at the ANBU. “You’re the reason Naruto and I are here today. And fuck, how many times have you helped save Konoha? Not important,” he scoffed. “That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“I’m a soldier who’s broken,” Kakashi muttered. “You broke me.” He sniffed, and pain spread through Iruka’s chest. 

“Kakashi, I can fix this,” Iruka said. He held up a hand with a questioning glance, lowering it toward Kakashi’s bent knee. He jerked at the touch, but didn’t move away. “Do you want me to redo them?”

The older man nodded, then shook his head, then clasped both arms around his face and moaned. “I don’t know,” he whimpered. “Why’d you do it, ‘Ru?”

Iruka laid his cheek down on the sheet and traced a circle around the bones in Kakashi’s knee with his index finger. A tear leaked sluggishly down to the fabric. “Crime of passion,” he said with a humorless laugh. “Gods, I was so fucking--” He started at the feeling of a cool hand covering his, and looked to see Kakashi staring away while he twined their fingers together. Breath hitched in his chest as he fought the urge to grip tightly. “Years of loving you and you just tell me you know, then you tell me that we’re not family. It really hurt me.”

“So you hurt me back,” Kakashi said. Iruka nodded and rubbed the pad of his thumb against Kakashi’s palm. “Doesn’t seem like something you’d do to someone you care for. But guess I wouldn’t know.” There was a bitterness in his voice that made Iruka cringe. 

“People do stupid things when they’re in love,” Iruka sighed. “Myself included.” Kakashi’s fingers tightened around his, and the ANBU groaned loudly.

“You said you’d help me process all this shit, Iruka,” he said. “What happened to that?”

Iruka unwound his hand and pressed the tips of their fingers together, rocking slightly, reveling in the closeness, the touch. “I did promise,” he said. Kakashi wound his other hand into Iruka’s hair, and the teacher unconsciously moved closer. “And I broke that promise. I fucked up, Kakashi.”

“Yeah.” Iruka frowned into the sheets as Kakashi’s hands retreated. “And yet I can’t help wanting more.” The younger man’s eyes snapped to Kakashi’s bloodshot gaze. “It’s fucking addicting,” Kakashi said quietly, nibbling on a knuckle. “As much as I hate it, and want it to end, I want more. It’s like...I don’t know.” His gaze darted back and forth between Iruka and the window. 

“Do you…” Iruka’s brow furrowed in confusion as he watched Kakashi. “Is that you saying you  _ don’t  _ want me to reseal you?”

Kakashi grunted. “Not sure.” He slid down the wall so he was laying face to face with Iruka, eye searching his. “What if I had more good emotions? Would that maybe be better? Or would that make things worse?”

“I can’t promise anything either way,” Iruka said.  _ God, he’s so close. I could just move forward and ki--no. No, I can’t.  _ “With everything there’s good and bad.” Kakashi frowned and began to chew on his lip again, and Iruka wanted to do nothing more than make him stop-- _ press my lips against his.  _ “Is there one you had in mind?”

“Love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via [Tumblr](https://sparkswithyou.tumblr.com), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/AryaGrace4), or [Discord](https://discord.gg/sf4E5Up).


	5. Resolution Pt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via [Tumblr](https://sparkswithyou.tumblr.com), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/AryaGrace4), or [Discord](https://discord.gg/sf4E5Up).

He didn’t know what had made him admit it. Maybe it was the way Iruka’s fingers had trembled slightly when he held his hand. Or the way his eyes widened when he felt Kakashi’s grip on his hair. The way he’d collapsed upon seeing the ANBU alive.

_ Everything,  _ Kakashi thought, staring wide-eyed at the way Iruka’s jaw dropped open at the word. “Please, Iruka,” he whispered. “I want it.” By the way Iruka fought the way his body lit up, Kakashi knew it was the right decision. He watched the teacher struggle with the request for an eternity before pushing his forehead against Iruka’s and nodding. “C’mon. I know you want it too.”

“That’s why I shouldn’t,” Iruka said. “Can’t let my feelings get in the way of what’s best for you. I mean--” He pulled back and gestured down Kakashi’s body. “Look what happened last time.” 

“Yeah, but you and I weren’t thinking prop--”

Iruka shook his head. “I’m not right now, either, Kakashi,” he said. He rubbed at his eyes and winced, sitting up onto his heels. “Adrenaline’s wearing off. Oh, holy fuck, my head hurts.”

“You know better than to go out with those two,” Kakashi muttered. “ _ And  _ you smoked. Rough night for both of us.” He reached to grab his pillow and pull it into his body again, now that Iruka was gone from his side.  _ Took you so long to quit, too. _

“Come eat breakfast with me. We’ll talk,” Iruka said, walking out. Kakashi heard the bathroom cabinet open and pills rattle before the teacher retreated to the kitchen to start coffee. He sat up, groaning, and searched for a shirt and mask to cover the marks on his chest. Iruka looked at him sadly when he entered the kitchen. “You know you don’t have to wear the mask around here,” he said.

“Habit. You know about old dogs and tricks,” Kakashi said. He took out eggs and bacon and turned on the burner, pulling a pan out of the cupboard. “Did Naruto tell you where he went last night? I didn’t hear him come home.”

“Probably at Sasuke’s again,” Iruka said. “Swear he spends more time there than here these days.”

“I would too, the way we’ve been fighting.” The bacon began to crack and Kakashi hissed as fat splattered on his arm. Iruka got up and slowly poured a cup of coffee, holding a hand over his eyes against the light from the window. “Why didn’t  _ you  _ come home last night?”

Iruka groaned and hid his head in his arms in response. “I was in no condition to even be outside, let alone drive myself home,” he muttered. “Now I’m paying for it. And my back’s fucking killing me too. Last time I sleep on Anko’s floor.”

“I would’ve…” Kakashi trailed off as Iruka worked one eye out of his arms to stare at him. “I mean, I could’ve...would’ve driven you.”

Iruka snorted derisively and laid his head back down. “‘Fuck you, I hate you, don’t bother coming home,’” he quoted. “God damn, Kakashi, even if Anko wouldn’t have stolen my phone, do you think I would’ve called?”

Kakashi frowned into the pan.  _ This’ll be harder than I thought.  _ “No,” he mumbled. Iruka cupped his hands over his ears when plates clacked on their way out of the cabinet, but sent a grateful smile Kakashi’s way when he put the food in front of him. Kakashi fiddled with his fingers, trying to figure out how to phrase his next point. “But doesn’t it mean something that I would’ve?”

“You wanted me back to fix what I broke,” Iruka said. “That’s not exactly a kind and noble reason.” 

“It’s not just that,” Kakashi said. He sighed irritatedly and waved his hands, still at a loss for words. “I--it’s not that I wanted you to fix it. Well, not  _ just  _ that. I...I realized something.” Iruka raised an eyebrow and took a long sip of coffee. “I don’t want you to go away, Iruka. That thought started to hurt me more than your regret. That you might not be there when I woke up.”

The younger man almost spat out his drink, flinching as a little got in his lap. “You--” he choked out. He slapped Kakahsi’s hand away when the ANBU tried to thump him on the back. “After that?” Iruka clutched his head and moaned from deep inside his chest. “Oh god, that hurt. Kakashi, I always come back. Remember that huge fight we had trying to decide what school Naruto should go to?”

Kakashi remembered very clearly. He’d been insistent on Naruto going to the Academy to develop as a shinobi, and Iruka had refused to consider the possibility, rattling off reason after reason it was a bad idea. But Naruto was Minato’s child, and Kakashi felt it prudent to honor the fourth’s legacy by putting his heir through the rigorous schooling. So when Iruka was out of town for a few days, he’d enrolled the boy. 

“I was  _ furious, _ ” Iruka continued. “I could’ve killed you. And it took me weeks, months, even, but I forgave you. I would’ve made my way back eventually, even this time.” 

“I wasn’t sure,” Kakashi said. “This is all still new to me.” His fingers clenched around his fork as he remembered the look on Iruka’s face before he’d unlocked the third seal. “And you did a damn good job of making me believe you hated me.”

“You didn’t do a half bad job yourself,” Iruka said softly. “I’m back now, though. Tempers were high, you didn’t know what was going on, and I lost it. Can we just put it behind us?”

“If you unseal love for me.” Kakashi’s voice was steady, belying the storm brewing inside of him. He knew he wasn’t in a position to make demands, but if he’d learned anything in ANBU, it was how to work people. “Please?”

Iruka chewed and contemplated, and Kakashi struggled to keep his breathing even. “I know the game you’re playing,” the teacher finally said. Kakashi shook his head. “Don’t bullshit me. You do it all the time, these little manipulations and mind games.” 

“I--” 

Iruka put a finger to his remasked lips and stared into his eye. “You don’t need to do that to me, Kakashi,” he said. The ANBU tried not to shy away from the touch as Iruka trailed the finger away to cup his cheek in a warm hand. “I’m not a mission, not a mark, just me. I don’t like you making me out like one.” 

Kakashi looked awkwardly away. “Sorry,” he muttered. 

“You don’t need to manipulate me into...loving you,” Iruka sighed. “I’ve already admitted it. But you need to be one hundred percent certain you want me to unseal it. And I know you might not ever love me back. It doesn’t always work like that.” His hand shook lightly on Kakashi’s cheek before he pulled away, and a surge of misplaced happiness worked its way into the ANBU’s chest. 

“I think it might,” Kakashi said. He got up to dump their dishes in the sink and tentatively took hold of Iruka’s hand when he sat back down. Touching wasn’t something he was used to, or ever thought he’d like, but Iruka was slowly breaking that wall down as well. “You’re the one I want to come back to.”

“Doesn’t mean I’m the one you’ll love like--” Iruka’s breath hitched as Kakashi tightened his grip. “That,” he finished lamely.

“What’s the harm in trying?” Kakashi asked. 

Iruka rested his chin in his palm and swayed their hands gently across the table. “I’m afraid, Kakashi. I know it’s not about me, but I could either win real big or lose more than I thought possible here,” he said. 

“But wouldn’t the payoff be worth it?” Kakashi held his breath and hoped Iruka couldn’t feel his pulse pounding through his thin wrists. “Iruka, I want to love. Let me. God knows I care about you already, in my own weird way.”

The younger teacher let out a long, shaky sigh before separating their hands and pressing his own together in what looked like a prayer. “Okay,” he said. Kakashi’s pulse hammered harder through him and his hands shook slightly on the table. “I need to rest first, but I’ll do it.” Iruka dragged his eyes from the coffee in front of him to Kakashi’s face. “Give me until tonight. I’m not doing it this hungover.” His lips curled up and he snickered. “It’s your first time,” he teased. “Gotta make it special.”

Kakashi swallowed hard before smiling. “Bound to be anyway. Happiness was awesome. I can only imagine this.”

“I can’t wait,” Iruka said as he got up. “Even if it doesn’t turn out in my favor.” He trailed a hand over Kakashi’s shoulder before he disappeared into his room. Kakashi shivered at the touch.  _ I think it will, ‘Ru. It’ll all turn out all right. _

 

_ ** _

Kakashi was practically vibrating by the time Iruka emerged and announced he needed a shower. “Hurry,” the ANBU whined. “It’s been hours.”

“Trust me, you don't want me touching you like this,” Iruka said. “I am disgusting.” Kakashi sat on his bed and tapped his foot impatiently until the water stopped and Iruka began tossing clothes on the floor in his quest for pajamas. When he finally appeared in Kakashi’s doorway, the older man’s heart almost stopped. 

“I, ahh--” His mouth was suddenly bone dry and the impatience had turned to nerves. “Hello?”

Iruka leaned against the doorframe and smirked. “Yes, hello, Kakashi. Been--” He mockingly checked his bare wrist as if there was a watch there. “‘Bout 20 minutes.”

Kakashi let out a fluttering breath as Iruka stole closer and sat next to him. The bed dipped and rolled him into the teacher’s side. They both froze at the unexpected touch before Kakashi hesitantly laid his head on Iruka’s shoulder. “I think I’m ready,” he said. “I want you to, um…” He cursed the inability to articulate the simplest questions. “Sit in the corner,” he directed, pushing Iruka back to the wall. 

Iruka complied, leaning back against a pillow and holding his arms and legs open. “Like this?” 

“Yeah,” Kakashi whispered. He steeled himself and turned his back to the younger man, scooting back until his shoulders were flush against Iruka’s chest. Screwing his eyes shut, he felt back for Iruka’s hands and dragged one over his stomach, and the other to his seal. “Is this okay?”

“Oh, Kakashi, it’s perfect,” Iruka breathed. Kakashi felt the tension in his arms, the way he held himself back from holding tightly. His fingers were warm on the ANBU’s skin, but he found himself breaking out in goosebumps at the close proximity. 

“Do it,” Kakashi said. He clutched at the hand covering his stomach as the hand on his chest began to warm, slowly heating his left side. This wasn’t like any of the other seals. It burned, but not as badly. Iruka was taking his sweet time, other hand flexing on Kakashi’s abs as he undid each new line of code.

“How are you feeling?” Iruka asked. 

Kakashi inhaled deeply and laid his head back on Iruka’s chest, turning his face so he could bury his nose in the crook between shoulder and neck. “So good,” he murmured. Iruka shuddered as his eyelashes brushed against his sensitive skin. “Is this how it feels to you?”

“Probably,” Iruka said, strained. He dropped his chin to Kakashi’s shoulder and shifted slightly backwards. “What does it feel like?”

Kakashi thought as the final lines were wiped away and the whole feeling washed over him like the tide. They slumped back together, exhausted. “It feels like...home,” he said. To his surprise, wetness began to gather in his eyes. “Like happiness and sadness and rage and all the other shit doesn’t matter, and the only thing left is--” He tilted his head up to look at Iruka, entranced. “You.”


	6. Torn

The gentle buzz of chakra jolted Iruka awake the next morning. He panicked and shoved against the arms encircling his chest before he recognized the signature.  _ Kakashi.  _ Craning his neck back, he came nose to nose with the ANBU, Sharingan bared. “What’s that about?” he asked, rotating the rest of his body so they were chest to chest.

“You’re beautiful in the mornings,” Kakashi said softly. “I want to remember.” Iruka flushed and tried to duck his head, but Kakashi put a finger on his chin and lifted his face to keep staring. “Does it make you uncomfortable?”

“Not too bad, just surprised me,” Iruka mumbled. He was careful not to let his hands roam like he wanted.  _ In Kakashi’s bed. Holy shit.  _ “I, ah--” Breaking away from Kakashi’s gaze with a nervous chuckle, he glanced at the wall behind him and curled his hands under his chin. “This is...unusual.”

Kakashi tensed around him and closed his eye. “Is this not what you want?”

Iruka kicked himself for the remark and placed a hand on Kakashi’s arm. “This is exactly what I want,” he said. “It’s just...all the times I imagined this, I never--” He began to knead the muscles below him lightly and Kakashi sighed contentedly. 

“I like that,” he said. “Touch.” Iruka slipped his free arm under the ANBU’s head and Kakashi tipped forward to rest his forehead on the younger man’s shoulder. “Also unusual, so that makes us even, I suppose.”

Iruka shivered as Kakashi’s breath ghosted over his skin, shifting his hips back to hide a quickly growing issue.  _ Dammit. No, not now, come on.  _ “Kakashi…” He didn’t know where he was going with the sentence, but the whispered name made Kakashi huff and press closer. 

“Let’s get used to this,” the ANBU said. 

Iruka smiled and tucked the silver head under his chin, continuing to massage up and down Kakashi’s arm. There was no hiding the fact that he was now almost painfully hard, but the older man remained flush against him, ignoring his arousal. “I can get behind that idea,” he said. “But I need to, um--” He nudged Kakashi’s face backwards to look into his heavy-lidded eye. “Get ready for school. Need a few minutes.”

“Can we pick this up later, then?” Kakashi asked.

Heat bloomed in Iruka’s chest and he slipped his arm behind Kakashi’s back and hugged him. “Of course.”

“Good.”

Iruka extricated himself from the ANBU’s grip, replacing his body with a pillow that Kakashi wrapped around willingly. “Think you need to change your ANBU mask. Sloth might be more appropriate,” he said with a wink. Kakashi grunted and waved him away before pulling the blanket up over himself. 

The teacher showered quickly and tried not to cry Kakashi’s name too loudly as he came down the drain. He stood there for a minute, one hand braced on the wall and water rushing down his back, and let his mind drift. The fact that Kakashi wanted to remember his face in the morning, that he’d not only let Iruka touch him, but  _ slept  _ with him... _ more than I ever thought possible.  _ Though sex was still probably out of the question.  _ At least for a while,  _ Iruka thought with a smirk.

When he exited the bathroom, he heard clattering in the kitchen as someone poured a bowl of cereal. He felt a kiss of chakra again and was surprised to see Kakashi standing directly behind him, Sharingan bared once more. “There’s something I’ve gotta do before you go,” the ANBU whispered. 

Iruka took a step back as Kakashi pressed forward, trapping him against the wall. A cabinet door slammed shut and in the back of Iruka’s head concern niggled, but he didn’t care, because Kakashi’s cool hands slid up the side of his face as he drew closer, staring intently. 

“Do you mind?” Kakashi asked. Iruka shook his head as much as Kakashi’s grip allowed, and the older man pressed his forehead to the teacher’s before nuzzling against the side of his face to whisper in his ear. “Thank you,” he said before joining their lips. Iruka froze, then melted into Kakashi as he moved gently against him. He let out a small whine when Kakashi pulled away, but the ANBU swallowed it as he bent and kissed Iruka harder. 

A metallic  _ clang  _ on the floor broke them apart, and their heads whipped to where Naruto was standing with a bowl in hand at the end of the hallway. “Oh. My. God,” he said, stunned. He made no move to pick the spoon up off the ground. “Guys?”

Kakashi flew back against the opposite wall and his entire bare torso turned red as the boy’s jaw dropped. “I did  _ not  _ realize you were home,” he said, covering his mouth with one hand. 

Iruka’s voice squeaked when he spoke. “I guess...we’ve got some stuff to talk about?” Naruto nodded, mouth still open. “After school?”

“Oh...kay…” The boy wandered back into the kitchen, shell shocked, before walking slowly back to pick up the spoon. 

“Well, that went--” Iruka laughed softly at the way Kakashi was still frozen in mortification. “It went.”

“Uh huh,” Kakashi said. He blinked owlishly once at the teacher before turning back into his room. “I’ll just, um, be in here, I guess.” 

“I’ll be back as soon as possible tonight,” Iruka said. He slipped in his door and leaned back against it, head thudding against the wood.  _ Voluntarily. He kissed me voluntarily. And Naruto saw. _

_ Oops. _

 

_ ** _

_ “ _ Man, all I can say is that was exactly the opposite of what I expected to see this morning,” Naruto said. They were seated over dinner, and both Kakashi and Naruto looked like they wanted to sink through the floorboards. 

“Do you want to tell him, or should I?” Iruka asked Kakashi.

“You do it,” Kakashi muttered.

Naruto glanced between the two of them in disbelief. “I think it’s pretty freaking obvious,” he said. “I mean, you two were fighting like cats and dogs, then making out in the hallway. Whatever does it for you, but--” His face screwed in disgust and he turned back to his plate. “Give me some warning next time?”

“It’s a new thing,” Kakashi said. He sighed when Iruka grabbed his hand under the table. “Very, very new.”

“It’s got to do with the emotion thing, Naruto,” Iruka said. “We talked about it and we think it’ll be best to let you in on what’s actually going on.” He squeezed Kakashi’s hand before continuing. “So you know Kakashi’s ANBU, and you know I’ve been doing some emotional work with him. It’s more than that. It’s--” He glanced at Kakashi for reassurance, and the older man nodded. “Actually illegal. Like, very illegal. So if you don’t want to know, say it now.”

“I think I should,” Naruto said. 

Iruka gulped and nodded. “Very well. When you join ANBU, you go through a sealing process to make you into a more compliant soldier. Your emotions get all wrapped up and basically just cease to exist.” 

Naruto looked at Kakashi, who began to fidget uncomfortably. “Yeah, me too,” Kakashi said. “No wonder I was so cold all those years, yeah?”

“Jesus, I had no idea,” Naruto said. “Why would you do that?”

“I’ve got my reasons,” Kakashi said, nodding to Iruka.

“The important thing here is that he did it,” the teacher said. “And I found out about it, and offered to unseal them for him. All hush hush, because if someone found out, we’d be in the middle of an absolute shitshow.” Naruto nodded, wide eyed. “That’s the reason we’ve been so up and down these last few weeks. Bouncing between good and bad has been rough.”

“Unfortunately you kind of got caught in the middle,” Kakashi said. “Sorry.” He smiled apologetically at the boy, who leaned back and tented his hands in front of him. They sat until Naruto broke the silence.

“Well, now I know.” He worried at his bottom lip before bending to eat again. “How’s this going to affect us? You two.” He waved his fork between them.

“It shouldn’t, too much,” Kakashi said. “I just need some time to fully adjust.” He picked at the chicken and set his fork down in favor of resting his chin on his hand. “It’s been seventeen years, after all.” 

Naruto looked sadly at his plate. “So you never really...felt...anything toward me? Even as a kid?” Iruka blanched. These were dangerous waters the boy was swimming in. 

“Not in the way you’d expect,” Kakashi said, measuring his words carefully. He got up and pulled Naruto up with him, dragging him into a hug. Iruka watched Naruto hesitantly hug back before he glanced at the teacher, brow knit in confusion. “But I did the best I could, given the circumstances,” the ANBU continued. “Your dad gave you to me and I kept you safe.” His arms tightened around the boy as he thought back to Minato. “I tried, Naruto.”

The boy just nodded against Kakashi’s shoulder as his hands dug into the older man’s back. Kakashi gestured to Iruka to come over, and he complied, wrapping his arms around both of them. “I love you both,” he whispered. “So much. Screwed up family dynamics and all.”

Kakashi laughed softly at that. “Me too. Now that I’ve got the capacity.” He pulled back to look at them and smiled. “And I’ll be damned if I ever let anything get in the way of loving you again.”

Naruto cleared his throat. “Um, speaking of love…” He clasped his hands behind his back and stared at the floor, mumbling. “Got something to ask you.”

“Shoot,” Iruka said, retreating to his chair. 

“I’ve been getting to know this girl, and I think you two might like her,” Naruto said. “But her dad wants to meet you before we go further because he ‘wants to see I’m a good match.’” 

“Oooh, fancy,” Iruka said, smirking. “Who is it?”

“Hinata.” Naruto blushed. “Uh, Hyuuga.”

Kakashi coughed before raising an eyebrow. “Of  _ the  _ Hyuugas?”

“Ehh, yeah,” Naruto said. 

Iruka sat back heavily. “Jesus, kid, you don’t ever do anything halfway, do you?” 

“He invited us to their Thanksgiving party next month,” Naruto said, rushed. “Please, please say you’ll do it. I really like her.”

Kakashi smiled. “Of course we’ll come. Invite her here, too. I’d love to meet her.” 

“Does this mean I have to take you suit shopping?” Iruka asked. 

Naruto ducked his head. “Maybe? Do you think it’d help?”

“Absolutely,” Iruka said. He finished and rinsed off his plate, walking over and bending to hug Naruto from behind. “Gotta get you the girl, eh? Count on us.”

“Thanks!” Naruto beamed at them before getting up and heading to his room. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

Kakashi and Iruka stared at each other in confusion before Kakashi snorted. “Does that mean he’s--”

“Uhh, active?” Iruka asked. “I’ve got no idea.” 

“Well, shit,” Kakashi said. “More awkward conversations?”

Iruka groaned and lowered his head to the table. “Welcome to being a parent.”

 

**

When they were very sure Naruto was asleep, Iruka stole across the hall to nestle in Kakashi’s arms. “Finish what we started this morning?” he asked.

From behind him, Kakashi pressed a kiss right below his ear. “There’s something you should know before this goes further,” he whispered. Iruka looked back in concern, reaching to thread a hand through the ANBU’s silver locks. “It’s nothing bad,” Kakashi said. “Just a little, um, embarrassing.”

“I’m sure you’ve seen me in much more compromising situations, Kakashi,” Iruka said.

Kakashi trailed his lips down Iruka’s neck before resting his chin on the tanned collarbone in front of him. Iruka felt the thump of his pulse against his throat. “I’m not…” Kakashi took a deep breath, and his fingers tightened on Iruka’s stomach. “I don’t have a lot of experience,” he admitted. “It’s not like I’m a...virgin, but, ah, well.” He cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Also not like I had much need for sex.”

“Oh,” Iruka said, somewhat surprised. “I wasn’t expecting that. Not for a while, at least, until everything kind of evens out.”

“Thank god,” Kakashi murmured. Iruka felt the tension drain out of his frame as he relaxed deeper into the bed. “Thank you.” His heartbeat began to even out and Iruka turned to face him. 

“We go at your pace,” he assured. “No more, no less than you want.” He guided Kakashi’s face down to kiss him, lips moving languidly against each other as Kakashi’s hands roved over his back and stomach. 

“Why?” Kakashi whispered against him. Iruka slid both arms around him and moved to straddle his lap, holding him close. “Why are you so accepting?”

“I’ve had bad experiences in the past,” Iruka said, thinking back to his disastrous relationship with Mizuki. “I don’t want you to feel that way.”

Kakashi’s hands tightened possessively. “Who was it?”

“Mizuki,” Iruka said softly. “Young and dumb and too stupid to see what was right in front of my face.”

“I’m sorry,” Kakashi said. “If I would’ve been paying more attention…”

“That’s no one’s fault but my own, Kakashi,” Iruka said. “I don’t want to talk about him.” He bent to kiss the ANBU, who laid back on the bed, pulling the teacher on top of him. “Tonight’s about you.”

 

**

The next month was a blur of Kakashi, holiday preparations, school, and discovery. On Thanksgiving, all three pulled up to the Hyuuga estate. “Christ, they’ve got a valet,” Kakashi said. “How’d you pick this one up, again, Naruto?”

The boy smiled nervously. “Devilish charm?”

“Must be,” Kakashi said. As they approached the door, Iruka watched his entire demeanor change. Gone was the friendly, open Kakashi he’d come to know, replaced by the stiff ANBU. He nodded to the doorman as they were ushered inside, taking in the grandeur piece by piece.

Naruto spotted Sasuke and left Iruka and Kakashi in the dust. “Well, we’re on our own, I guess,” Iruka said, scanning for Hiashi. He nodded toward the back of the room. “He’s over there.”

The politician greeted them with a wave before breaking away from his conversation. “Welcome, Kakashi, Iruka,” he said coolly. “I hear your...son...is taking an interest in my daughter.”

“Correct,” Kakashi said.

“And I’m sure you’re aware I have very high standards for her, yes?”

“Of course, sir,” Iruka said. “I know our family can’t compete with all--” he gestured around the room. “This, but we do care deeply, and Naruto really is a great kid. I think the two of them could make it work.”

“You’re a teacher, right?” Hiashi asked.

“I am. Kakashi’s A--ahh, a soldier,” Iruka said. “We solemnly swear he’ll treat her right.”

Hiashi regarded them for what seemed like an eternity before nodding slowly. “Very well. But if he hurts her, there will be hell to pay,” he said.

“Understood, sir.” Kakashi nodded and steered Iruka over toward Naruto and Sasuke. 

“Hey,” Iruka called. Naruto looked over and grinned at the happy look on Iruka’s face as he trotted over.

“Good news?” he asked. 

“Best news you’ll hear today, I’ll bet,” Iruka said. 

“Sweet!” With that, Naruto dragged Sasuke away to find Hinata.

Kakashi shivered against Iruka. “What’s wrong?” Iruka asked.

The ANBU’s eye narrowed. “Thought I felt something,” he muttered, searching the room. “Old demons coming back to haunt me.” 

“Do we need to leave? Like, flashback demons, or what?” Iruka gently pushed Kakashi to the edge of the room, finding a free spot to talk quietly. “Say it now, or forever hold your peace.”

Kakashi winced and pressed a hand to his Sharingan eye. “Old teammate demon,” he whispered. “But he’s…” He looked around, confused, and Iruka began to worry. “He’s dead, Iruka. But I swear to fucking god I just felt his chakra reaching out to mine.” Iruka put a hand on his arm and he shrugged it off. “I need some air.”

“Want me to come with you?” Iruka asked.

“Nah, stay here. Keep up appearances,” Kakashi said. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He walked away, through the large glass doors onto the terrace, and Iruka worried with the button on his sleeve. 

_ This isn’t normal, _ Iruka thought. He wandered through the crowd, searching for Naruto and finding him tucked with Hinata, Neji, and Sasuke below the large staircase. “Hey, c’mere a second,” he said, beckoning. When Naruto was close enough, he bent to whisper in his ear. “Something’s up. Not sure what.” He tugged Naruto to where they could see out the doors and caught sight of Kakashi and another person standing close together.

“Who’s that?” Naruto asked.

Iruka’s head cocked as he tried to puzzle it out. “Not sure.” He inhaled sharply as Kakashi raised a hand as if to strike, and the other person caught his wrist. The ANBU shook his head and tore his arm away, backing up. He turned back to look at the party and Iruka saw the blood red of the Sharingan shine through the darkness. Kakashi met his eye and both eyes widened in horror as he shook his head again, looking like a deer in headlights. 

Naruto saw as well, beginning to walk cautiously toward the door. Iruka followed, and Kakashi held out a hand to stop them. The other man on the terrace grabbed Kakashi’s chin and forced his head back to look at him. Iruka couldn’t make the words on his lips out, but he released Kakashi and disappeared in a puff of smoke. Kakashi met Iruka’s eyes again, pain blooming across his features before following in the other man’s footsteps, vanishing.

“Shit,” Iruka hissed. “We’ve gotta go.”

“But--”

“Sorry, Naruto, but Hinata will be here tomorrow. For Kakashi to just disappear...something’s wrong. Really wrong. Go say bye quick and meet me in the car,” Iruka said. Naruto darted off to his friends and Iruka sought out Hiashi, bidding him a quick farewell and citing illness as his excuse for leaving early.

“Who do you think that was?” Naruto asked as they sped down the highway.

Iruka gritted his teeth and stared ahead as the needle passed 65, 70, 80 MPH. “I don’t know. Kakashi said something about an old, dead teammate. Not like it was a fucking ghost,” he muttered. 

“He did just vanish,” Naruto said.

“Jutsu. Teleportation technique,” Iruka said. “Haven’t you learned that yet?”

“No. Saw it on the syllabus but they haven’t done anything with us yet,” Naruto said. 

“Doesn’t matter,” Iruka said. He fixed his eyes on the road ahead and drove in silence back to the house, slamming the door open and shouting Kakashi’s name. “Where’d you go? What was that?”

“Iruka!” Naruto called from the kitchen. “You want to see this.” He held a paper out to the teacher, who took it with shaky hands, sliding down the wall as he read.

 

_ Iruka and Naruto _

_ Pack a bag and go to Tsunade at the Tower. She’ll be there, even tonight. Tell her Obito is back and out for blood. You’re not safe at the house. I need to go dark for a while, I don’t know how long. Tsunade will help you. Be safe. I love you both. _

_ Kakashi _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via [Tumblr](https://sparkswithyou.tumblr.com), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/AryaGrace4), or [Discord](https://discord.gg/sf4E5Up).


	7. Gone

The chakra that brushed against his was tainted, foul in the cool November air as he walked outside, seeking relief. “Stop,” he growled. “You’re dead and buried.” Kakashi shook his head to dispel the memories, but the feeling of being watched lingered. Over the noise of the party, he couldn't hear the footsteps behind him.

“Am I now?” The ANBU felt a blade press into his back through his jacket and he stiffened. “Well, that’s a surprise,” the voice purred in his ear. “Though it’s not like you took a lot of time after you fucked me over to watch me die.”

_ Impossible.  _ Kakashi’s nostrils flared under the mask as the knife pressed deeper, delving into the jacket and tickling his ribs. “You’re dead,” he repeated.

“Not.” Obito’s voice had deepened, but still held the same playful tone Kakashi remembered from his youth. “Come on, Bakashi, I thought you were smarter than that.”

“What do you want?” Kakashi asked. Obito’s hand on his shoulder tightened and spun him around so they were face to face. “How the fuck is that possible? I saw you--crushed. You were  _ dead.” _

A grin split the Uchiha’s face. “I had help,” he said. “After you and that bitch cut out my eye, Madara saved me. Took me in.” Kakashi’s eye widened as Obito advanced a step. “I lost everything that day. You, and Rin, and Konoha, and  _ hope.  _ I wonder,” he said, eyeing the ANBU. “Can you feel hope in that dead heart of yours?”

“No,” Kakashi said hoarsely. He swallowed hard and forced the tremor from his voice. “Had it destroyed in ANBU.”

“Liar.”

“How the fuck would you know?” 

Obito chuckled darkly. “I’ve seen the way you look at the teacher,” he said. “I’ve seen the way you look at that boy. Minato’s spawn. I’ve seen it all, Kakashi. Your being undone.” Kakashi shook his head mutely.  _ There’s no way. I would’ve felt him. No. Impossible.  _ “Madara showed me the way. And I’ve come to take back what’s mine.” 

Kakashi moved to strike his hand away from where it reached for the Sharingan, but Obito’s reflexes had improved and he caught Kakashi’s wrist in a vice grip, wrenching him forward. “If you don’t give it willingly, I’ll take those two and carve them up in front of you,  _ Bakashi,”  _ he hissed. 

The ANBU broke away and fell backward a few steps, shaking. He stared to the party only to catch sight of Iruka and Naruto peering through the glass, obviously concerned. “No, no, no, no,” he mumbled. The pair began to walk forward and he threw a hand up to stop them.  _ Wouldn’t survive that.  _ His heartbeat sounded furiously in his ears as his eyes grew impossibly large with the realization that he might not win against the Uchiha now. He didn’t know what sort of things Madara knew, had taught him.

Iruka and Naruto stopped at his gesture before Obito’s hand on his chin forced his gaze away. Twin Sharingans glared at each other in the dark as Obito’s face contorted in a sneer. “Give it to me, or they get it. Your fucking choice,” he said. “I’ll be waiting at Rin’s grave. Fitting she oversees this. You have one hour. Use it wisely.” He threw Kakashi’s head away from him before pressing his hands together and disappearing. 

_ Can’t give it up. Useless without it,  _ Kakashi thought. His mind raced through the possible outcomes of a fight, of running away, of spilling everything to Tsunade, even. Only a few stuck out, and none of them ended well for his family. He caught Iruka’s eyes again as a plan began to solidify.  _ Soldier first, partner second,  _ he chanted internally. Iruka stepped forward once more as Kakashi’s face drooped with the knowledge and pain of what he had to do, and Kakashi’s heart was shredded as he looked one last time before disappearing in a whirl of chakra.  _ Soldier first, partner second. _

 

**

When he reappeared in the house, he was disoriented for a second before realizing he’d appeared in Iruka’s room.  _ Christ, can’t focus enough to get him out of my head and pop up in the right place,  _ he thought. He pulled out his phone and sent a text to Tsunade, sighing in relief when she texted back right away.

\-- _ Obito’s back. Madara’s been on the move _

_ \-- _ **_Does he know where you are?_ **

_ \--He knows everything. Been watching me for a while now, apparently _

_ \-- _ **_Is everyone safe?_ **

_ \--No _

_ \-- _ **_Bring Iruka and the kid here. Naruto can’t fall into Madara’s hands_ **

_ \--They’ll be arriving alone. Got something I need to do. _

_ \-- _ **_Don’t do anything stupid, Hound_ **

_ \--Not stupid. But I’ll be away for a long time. _

He ignored the phone as it rang with Tsunade’s number flashing, choosing to rip off his suit in favor of his ANBU uniform. The plating was cool against his skin, helping ground him slightly and calming his shaking fingers.  _ Focus, Kakashi. Focus. Soldier. You’re a soldier.  _ He cursed as he fumbled with a buckle on his boots, almost crashing to the floor. 

“Gonna be a while,” he muttered. Clips jangled as he picked up his backpack and walked to Iruka’s room once more, glancing around before grabbing an old tshirt and stuffing it in. “I’m so sorry, Iruka.”

He walked to the kitchen and dug for a piece of paper and a pen, writing a note he hoped they’d follow.  _ They trust me. They know Tsunade’s important. Please, please do the right thing here, Iruka.  _ The shaking returned as he thought of the look that would appear on the teacher’s face when he read the words, one of confusion and shock. 

_ I love you.  _

_ Soldier first, partner second. _

The two thoughts warred within his mind as he packed a few more of his clothes into the bag along with a picture of the three of them. “Fuck ANBU,” he growled. “Fuck being a soldier, fuck being in love. Should’ve been  _ me.”  _ The plaster on the wall dented as he threw a punch, bloodying his knuckles on the sandpapery texture. “Should’ve died then with you, Obito.”

_ Everyone wins this way. Except you.  _

“Fuck that too,” he said. “I want--” He stalked to the living room and pulled his blades from the weapons cabinet.  _ I want a happy ending. God damnit, Iruka, I want it with you. I’m so sorry.  _ Taking one last look around the house he’d begun to call home, he inhaled deeply and transported to Rin’s grave.

Obito was waiting with a small knife in his fist, mangled face twisted in a grimace. “Decided to show, huh?”

Kakashi held his hands in the air as he slowly advanced. “We need to talk, Obito,” he said. “There’s a way out of this that we can both benefit from.”  _ Not you, Kakashi, not you. _

“I don’t believe you,” Obito said. “I--well, Madara--needs both eyes so we can--” He bit off the sentence with a shake of his head. “I need both eyes.”

“Remember what I told you before you...well, before we thought you’d died, Obito?” Kakashi asked. “Rin told you she loved you and that you were her favorite person. Remember what I said?” His voice was soothing, hoping to appeal to the child inside this new Uchiha. “How I told you that we’d b--”

“Be together, always,” Obito whispered. “You  _ lied.  _ You left.”

Kakashi walked closer, hands lowering to fall pleadingly in front of him. “But I’m here, Obito. I’m back.” He reached to his shoulder to sling his bag down in front of the other man. “Let me come with you. You’ll have both eyes then, and you’ll have me there.” 

The blade quivered in Obito’s hand as Kakashi’s words sank in. “But I need...the eye…” he whispered. 

Cautiously, Kakashi reached for the knife, unsurprised when Obito surrendered with little resistance. “Hey, now,” he said softly, breathing a sigh of relief when the other man’s shoulders slumped in defeat.  _ Oh, thank gods. It worked. It fucking worked.  _ “Where’s Madara?”

Obito sniffed and swayed slightly. “I don’t know,” he muttered. “I haven’t known for weeks now.”

“Then why, Obito?” Kakashi asked. “Why come and threaten my family and I?”

The other man’s frame tensed before he turned his face to Kakahsi’s. “Why leave your family alone? I could be there in seconds,” he said, moving to bring his palms together.

“No!” Kakashi shouted, grabbing at his wrists. “No, Obito. I’m here with you now. Let me help you find Madara.” 

“He could be anywhere,” Obito said softly. “I need to bring him the eyes. Gain back his favor. He needs the eyes.”

“We’ll track him down,” Kakashi said, moving slowly to wrap his arms around his former teammate. Obito melted into the touch, clutching the top of Kakashi’s chest plate, and Kakashi began to stroke down his back, fighting revulsion at the fact Obito wasn’t his teacher. “We’ll be a team again, Obito. Would you like that?”

Obito nodded. “Please,” he whimpered. “I’ve been so alone.”

Kakashi swallowed hard and cupped the back of Obito’s head, tipping him toward his shoulder.  _ I’m so sorry, Iruka.  _ “Let me help,” he said. “Where was the last place you saw him?”

“Suna,” was the muffled reply.

“So let’s go to Suna,” Kakashi said.  _ Far away from here. Far away from Iruka and Naruto. Gods, I hope they can forgive me. Soldier first. Need to keep them safe, even if it fucking kills me. _ He pulled away from Obito and held out a hand. “Coming?”

 

**

On Christmas morning, Iruka slammed a fist down on his desk as he stared at the package in front of him. They’d been allowed to move back three days earlier, when Tsunade had deemed them no longer under threat. “Bastard,” he said softly. “You came back.” The green paper taunted him, signed with the ANBU’s name in silver sharpie. “You--” His breath hitched as his fingers inched toward the present he’d found on his car seat that morning.

Naruto had become sullen and withdrawn with each Kakashi-less day that passed, and Iruka didn’t hold much hope that he’d be out of his room for any sort of celebration today. “You didn’t even let me see you,” he whispered, grabbing the package and tearing the paper gently away. Nestled inside the box was a small dolphin made of hand blown glass. 

Tears sprang to his eyes as he lifted it out and held it to the light. Rainbows fell on his walls as the dolphin spun. “You remembered,” he said, wiping at his cheeks. “You remembered, and you came back, and then you fucking left me.”

 

**

On Valentine’s day, Kakashi slipped Obito a sleeping pill around noon and waited patiently until he passed out so he wouldn’t notice the ANBU’s absence. He transported to their empty house and slipped inside, relishing the feeling of home.  _ Two fucking months,  _ he thought.  _ No closer to Madara. I don’t think he wants to be found.  _

“Soon, Iruka,” he whispered to the teacher’s empty bed. The shirt he’d taken no longer smelled like the younger man, but he knew better than to exchange it. Leaving the Christmas present had been dangerous enough. He knew better than to be here, leaving a signature that Madara or Obito could see. 

Instead of sinking down on the bed and sobbing like he wanted to, he took a sharpie from the cup on Iruka’s desk and drew a heart on the wood, signing the inside with a K. “I miss you,” he muttered. “Wait for me.”

 

**

The day before spring break started, Naruto asked Iruka if Kakashi was ever coming back. “He learned to feel, and we were a family, and then...nothing,” he whispered, leaning into the teacher’s side. They were sitting on the couch, watching a movie neither was paying attention to. “Why would he do that?”

“I’m sure he has his reasons,” Iruka said. “We should trust him.” In the back of his head, doubt plagued him.  _ It’s my fault in the first place for unsealing him. It’s probably got something to do with that. Obito? What a load of shit. He’s dead. I’ve seen his grave.  _ He pulled Naruto closer and laid his chin on top of the blond head. “He’ll come back.”

“But what if he doesn’t?”

 

**

They found Madara on March 23rd, in the outskirts of Konoha, of all places. Obito insisted they wait a day before confronting him, and he grew more agitated as the hours wore on. “I’m sure he’ll be happy to see us,” Kakashi said, waving a hand in boredom. “He’s been waiting months, right?”

“Dodging our every move,” Obito muttered, chewing on a nail. 

“He’ll be a lot more accepting once you show him you’ve got both eyes,” Kakahshi said. Obito grunted and announced he was going to get coffee. “Do me a favor and get me some too?” Kakashi asked. “Large black, please.” One swirl of chakra later and the Uchiha had disappeared. Kakashi laid back on the hotel bed and pulled his arms behind his head, staring at the ceiling while he thought of Iruka.

_ I’ll be back in your arms soon. Wait for me.  _ His plan was to meet with Madara, slay him and likely Obito with any means possible, and be free of them forever. His blood heated with anticipation as he imagined how the fight would go.  _ And no one gets my fucking eye.  _

His grin fell as Obito popped back into the room, eyes shifting nervously, and handed him his coffee. “Not excited about our chances?” Kakashi asked.

“Not really,” Obito said. Kakashi took a long drag and groaned as the coffee burned his throat. “How do you feel about it?”

Deciding caffeine was more important than his tongue, Kakashi took another drink. “I’m not really sure yet. It’s not like I know him well. I don’t know how he’ll react.”  _ He’ll scream when my sword pierces his gut, that’s what he’ll do.  _ His head began to feel a little fuzzy, and he took another deep sip, hoping to banish the cotton before he had to fight. 

Obito tapped his fingers on the headboard and jiggled his foot, staring at the ANBU. He muttered something that Kakashi couldn’t quite make out. The fuzziness was spreading, making Kakashi tired, so tired, and his limbs drooped. “What’d you do?” he asked, holding the cup in a shaky hand. “I don’ feel...so…” 

“Shh, it’s okay,” Obito whispered, setting the cup on the nightstand before hoisting Kakashi’s limply resisting form off the bed. “I just need--” He grunted as Kakashi’s elbow caught his side when he dragged him into the bathroom, hauling him over the side of the tub. 

Kakashi struggled to sit up as Obito cast a jutsu that he vaguely recognized.  _ Sound barrier?  _ “Why?”

“Eye. Just need the eye.” Kakashi’s limbs felt like they were glued to the porcelain as Obito produced a knife. A wild glint appeared in the Uchiha’s eye as he advanced toward the ANBU threateningly. “It’ll only hurt for a little bit, ‘Kashi.”

Through the fog and weighted bones, Kakashi summoned the strength to throw his arm out and grab Obito’s wrist, pulling him down to try wrestling the knife away. “It’s me, Obito, don’t do this,” he slurred. “I told you I’ll go willingly.”

“You’re--the--enemy--” Obito grunted, struggling out of Kakashi’s grip. “Madara would kill me too.” He pressed Kakashi’s face against the side of the tub and Kakashi struggled harder at the sight of the blade making its way toward his eye. “I’m sorry, but I need to do this.”

“No, no you don’t,” Kakashi pleaded. He saw stars as Obito pressed down on his throat with his free arm, trapping him. “Obito, it’s me, it’s Kakashi, it’s me, please don’t. No.” His arms were lead as he dragged them to push Obito’s shoulders away, but the other man pressed them down again and trapped his hands under his knees. 

“I do,” Obito said. “Don’t worry, I’ll let you say goodbye first.” At the first touch of the knife, Kakashi flinched and felt a drop of blood drip down into his mask. He groaned loudly at the second, harder cut, nearer to his eye socket, and cried out as the third bit into his eyelid. Obito cringed at the sound, but continued to methodically cut around the eye as Kakashi writhed below him, unable to lift even a finger to stop the torture. 

The pain was much worse having an eye taken out than transplanted, and Kakashi’s throat burned as he scraped it raw with the force of his screams. Obito’s tears dripped onto his face and mingled with the blood. When he was finished, he sealed the eye in a glass jar and hugged Kakashi close. “One last time, I promised,” he whispered. “But I need you dead. You know too much about me, about Madara. Too many secrets.” 

Kakashi cried hoarsely again as his head was shifted from the shower wall to Obito’s shoulder. The bump of bone against the empty socket sent waves of renewed agony coursing through him as Obito teleported them in a burst of chakra. He laid Kakashi down on grass, and Kakashi’s remaining eye rolled wildly in pain, catching glimpses of sky and house and tree.  _ Home,  _ he thought brokenly.  _ God--home--Iruka--   _ He screamed the teacher’s name before another wave of blinding pain rolled over him, and he looked down.

Obito had stolen one of his swords and plunged it through his stomach into the ground. “I’m so sorry,” the Uchiha whispered. “It’s for the best.” His face twisted in a sob as he formed the hands signs and teleported away, barely missing Iruka sprinting into the yard and shouting for someone to call 911. 

Naruto appeared in the doorway with the phone as Iruka fell by Kakashi’s side, hands already charged with chakra and lips forming medical jutsus. “You can’t,” Iruka muttered. “Can’t die. Stay with me, Kakashi, stay with me, you can’t leave me, not again, not fucking now.” 

Kakashi convulsed around the sword as he tried to lift his head to speak. Sirens sounded in the distance. Instead of words, a sharp cough came out, and Iruka’s face turned red with his blood. 

“You motherfucker,” Iruka continued to babble. “Leave with no notice for months and come back and you’re dead and you’re dying and I can’t fucking fix it and oh my god--” He broke off in a sob, hands shaking with exertion as Kakashi’s breath began to rattle in his chest. “Kakashi, don’t go.”

The sirens drew nearer and Kakashi coughed again, crying as the sword twisted in his gut. This time it was Iruka’s tears mixing with the blood on him as the teacher pressed on, insisting that the ANBU stay, that he couldn’t go, that he loved him. Blackness creeped in at the sides of his vision as gravel crunched and the sound of a door slamming reached his ears. 

He tried to reach a bloody hand to Iruka’s face as he began to sob incoherently above him, but suddenly the teacher was torn away, replaced by a woman in uniform who whispered such reassuring words, that he’d be all right, everything was okay. His head rolled to the side and he watched as Iruka was dragged along the grass, screaming his name and reaching for him. Sound faded away as he watched Iruka collapse after another paramedic injected him with something.  _ Don’t...leave… _

His head was forced straight and the woman was saying something, but he couldn’t hear. The only thought on his mind was the teacher as the darkness fully descended, blanketing him in nothingness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via [Tumblr](https://sparkswithyou.tumblr.com), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/AryaGrace4), or [Discord](https://discord.gg/sf4E5Up).


	8. Recovery

Iruka’s eyes burned. Not with tears--he’d shed more than he ever thought possible. Those wells were drained dry. No, they burned with exhaustion as his pen scratched across the paper in Kakashi’s hospital room. He hadn’t slept more than a few hours a night since Kakashi had screamed for him, pinned to the lawn. 

Two and a half weeks, and the ANBU had refused to wake. The paper on Iruka’s lap fluttered as his foot tapped. A dull hum of  _ wake up, wake up, wake up _ played on a constant loop in the back of his mind as he tried to pay attention to the lesson plans Kurenai had been bothering him about. 

“Can you stop?” Naruto asked from across the room. “The tapping’s getting old.”

“Sorry,” Iruka muttered, forcing his foot to quiet. His muscles twitched as the coffee he’d slammed worked its way through his veins. The tiredness hadn’t abated, but his heart raced and body thrummed.  _ Fuck. _

“Iruka,” the boy said again, several minutes later. He shot a pointed glance at where Iruka’s leg had begun to wiggle without permission. 

“Go home, then,” Iruka said. “I’ve gotta get these done before tomorrow.” He gritted his teeth against a yawn as Naruto stared with concern in his eyes. “Here, take my keys.” The metal jangled as he tossed the lanyard to the boy. “Make sure you eat something, too. Netflix. Relax.”

“You should come with me,” Naruto said. He got up and knelt in front of the teacher, looking up at him earnestly. “He’ll be here when you get back. You’re going to make yourself sick like this. And you won’t be any good to him that way.” 

Iruka shook his head. “Gotta be here when he wakes up,” he said. “He needs me.”

“Yeah, needs you well,” Naruto said. He grabbed Iruka’s hands and the teacher dragged his eyes from Kakashi to see sadness written on Naruto’s face. “I need you too,” the boy whispered. “Please. Come home.”

The teacher dropped his head in resignation. “Fine. Just for tonight.” He tugged his hands from Naruto’s grip and reached for his bag, stuffing the papers in and stretching as he stood. 

Naruto touched a hand to Kakashi’s leg before grabbing his backpack and slipping out the door. “Make it quick,” he said.

“Yeah.” Iruka sighed as he looked down at the ANBU. Under the thin blanket, bandages bisected Kakashi’s stomach, hiding the sight of staple marks and the raw edges of a healing scar. His face was almost all covered, half by a surgical mask the hospital had provided and half with a bandage wrapped around his bare eye socket. His free eye twitched rapidly, the only movement besides the slow rise and fall of his chest. 

“Why’d you go, Kakashi?” he asked. “I could’ve helped. You didn’t need to be a hero.” He trailed a finger down the side of Kakashi’s face before gently unhooking the mask and running a thumb over his lips. His voice broke when he spoke. “Please come back.”

Kakashi’s body continued to lie limp below him when he bent to kiss the ANBU’s bandaged forehead, cradling his cheek gently. “We need you,” he whispered. “ _ I  _ need you.” He shook as he pulled away and hooked the mask back in place before squeezing Kakashi’s shoulder and leaving.

 

**

Remaining still as Iruka’s fingers caressed his broken face was one of the hardest things Kakashi had ever done. The veil of unconsciousness had lifted minutes before, and the first thing he’d registered was Naruto’s voice snipping at Iruka. Hearing the boy plead with the teacher to leave, go home, made a hollow ache spread through his chest, different from the pain in his abdomen. 

“Why’d you go? I could’ve helped. You didn’t need to be a hero.” He tried not to flinch at the feeling of Iruka’s hand near his eye-- _ lack of-- _ and the press of his lips against bandages as he begged for the ANBU to come back. When the click of the door sounded after him, a tear slipped down Kakashi’s cheek to wet the pillow below.  _ How could I have been so stupid? _

He shifted his shoulders slightly and winced at the feeling of needles stuck in his arms. The monitor beside him began to beep faster as his heartbeat sped up with a spike of pain.  _ Hero. I couldn’t even save myself.  _ The feeling of violation made his spine crawl and bile rose in his throat as the memory of pain flashed through him. The bite of the knife and crush of Obito’s body. 

The needles didn’t matter as he lurched up to a sitting position and retched. Pain lanced through him, shattering any shred of pride he had left, and he cried wordlessly at the sensation. He heard footsteps sprint toward his room and the door banged open as a nurse ran in. “Hey, hey, sit down,” she urged as he attempted to right himself, gagging. “Sit.” She pressed a hand to his chest and gently pressed him back down. He struggled to breathe through the onslaught, and blackness loomed again. “It’s okay,” the nurse said. “You’re okay, just calm yourself. Deep breaths.”

“No,” he moaned, trying to clutch at his head. “All wrong.” His voice caught at the roughness in his throat and he coughed, each outbreath punctuated by the feeling of his insides tearing. “Gone. It’s gone.”

“Mr. Hatake, if you don’t sit back you’ll hurt yourself,” the nurse insisted, pressing slightly harder. Kakashi relaxed into the hand on his back, panting in pain. “Better. Do you know where you are?”

“Hospital,” he rasped.

“Very good. You remember what happened?” He nodded, another tear sliding down his face. The thought of speaking the assault out loud made his muscles clench, and the nurse rubbed just above the line of bandages wrapped around him. “Do you need anything for pain?” He nodded again and grimaced at the way the room spun. Soon warmth spread through him, and he descended into blackness once more.

 

**

Iruka skipped school the week Kakashi came home. On Monday, the ANBU stayed in bed, refusing to let anyone see him. On Tuesday, he made an appearance once, and Iruka’s heart leapt in his chest as Kakashi managed to make a shred of eye contact before retreating. Wednesday and Thursday brought the merest whispers of conversation as Iruka forced food into Kakashi. The older man curled into the arm of the couch and hid his disfigured face from the teacher, and Iruka’s heart cracked in two. 

On Friday morning, Iruka went to Kakashi. The soldier was wrapped around a pillow, facing the wall, sound asleep. His mattress dipped slightly as Iruka sat down and rested his arm and head behind Kakashi’s back. “Hey, love,” he whispered, tracing a finger around the new scar marring pale skin. “I know you don’t want to see me, so I’m taking this opportunity to be with you.” Kakashi groaned as Iruka caught the edge of the wound, but didn’t wake. “I’m gonna tell you all about when you were gone, okay?” 

He spoke of Naruto’s finals, Christmas, New Year’s, antics of the kindergarteners, and how he missed the older man before Kakashi started to tremble beneath him. “Are you awake?” Iruka whispered.

Kakashi curled tighter and shook his head. “Go away,” he said weakly. “Don’t watch me like this.” He whined as Iruka sat up straight and splayed a warm hand over his shoulders. “Please stop.”

“No,” Iruka said softly. “I’ve waited months for you, Kakashi. Fuck if I let you push me away now.” Kakashi uttered another broken ‘please’ before choking on a sob. “You’re not getting rid of me.”

“I’m nothing now,” Kakashi whispered to the wall.

“Wrong.” Iruka began to massage across the pale skin and Kakashi flinched. “You are  _ so much more  _ than one lost part. You are the man I love. You’re a father figure to Naruto. You’re strong, and beautiful, and proud, and even though you’ve lost the Sharingan, you’re still going to be a damned good soldier.” 

“No,” Kakashi said. 

Iruka bent low and pressed a kiss to Kakashi’s ANBU tattoo. “You are. I’ll make you see,” he said. “Baby steps first, though. You need a shower.”

Kakashi shook his head again. “I want to stay here.” The blanket covering his legs slowly slid away as Iruka tugged at it. “Stop it,” he groaned. “‘S cold out there.” 

“You’re not going to let yourself go because of this, Kakashi,” Iruka said sternly. 

“I’m not a child, Iruka, don’t talk to me like that.”  _ There it is again, the goddamned teacher voice.  _ He clenched around the pillow as Iruka slid a hand down his arm and tried to untangle him. “ _ No.” _

“You’ve got two choices,” Iruka said. “You can go do it yourself or I’m going in with you and making sure you do it.” Kakashi burrowed closer to the wall and snarled at Iruka attempting to pull his arm away again. “Fine. Play it that way,” Iruka said. He slid an arm under Kakashi’s knees and upper back and lifted him, straining with effort. The ANBU struggled in the steps from his room to the bathroom and tried to run out when Iruka sat him on the edge of the vanity. “Kakashi,  _ SIT.” _

Kakashi dropped at the exasperated command, shocked into submission.  _ I thought teacher voice was bad. Now...dog voice? Jesus christ. That’s a new fucking low. _ He warily eyed the teacher as he started the bath, letting the water warm before plugging the tub.

“Are you going to fight me when I drag you in here, too?” Iruka asked. “I might have to start calling you Pakkun.”

“I’m not a dog,” Kakashi grumbled. 

“Could’ve fooled me,” Iruka said with a snort. “Come here.” He crooked a finger and Kakashi obeyed, too worn down to fight anymore. The ANBU didn’t resist as Iruka tugged at the waistband of his pants, silently asking him to undress. 

“Bet this wasn’t what you expected when you were picturing getting me naked for the first time,” Kakashi said quietly. He turned away from the teacher as he pulled off his clothes, shoulders hunching, trying to hide. It had been years upon years since he’d been truly naked in front of someone, and he’d forgotten how uncomfortable it was.  _ No mask, no clothes, just me and my scars. Bared. _

He heard Iruka move toward him and flinched away. “Let’s not count this one,” the teacher whispered. His light touch on Kakashi’s back made the older man shiver. “It’s not under good circumstances.”

Kakashi let himself be guided down into the water and sighed as it warmed him. He folded in on his knees as Iruka sat on the edge and put his legs around pale shoulders. “What are we counting this as then?” 

Iruka slid his arms around Kakashi’s chest and lowered his face to nuzzle against the ANBU’s neck. “Sickness,” he murmured. “Like in sickness and health.” 

“I never promised you that,” Kakashi said, turning away. Iruka’s arms tightened and the older man brought a hand up to rest on the teacher’s tanned skin. 

“I never asked you to.”

“Then why--” Kakashi bit and chewed on his lip as Iruka pressed a kiss to his jaw and reached for a washcloth. 

“Why what, love?”

“You--ahh, never mind,” he muttered.  _ Why are you still here? Why haven’t you left? Everyone does, eventually.  _

_ “ _ Kakashi, we’ve known each other for sixteen years. I’ve loved you for most of those. You’re already older than most ANBU live to see,” Iruka said. He traced the scar that ran across Kakashi’s collarbone, the memory of yet another time he’d almost died. “Each day I spend with you is another I don’t have to spend by your grave.”

“You two didn’t deserve to have me thrust on you,” Kakashi said. “Especially now.” He winced as Iruka lightly slapped his shoulder.

“You don't fucking listen,” Iruka said. He gently turned the older man around and looked him in the eye, not allowing Kakashi to break his gaze. “What part of ‘I love you and I need you’ do you not understand, huh? It killed me when you left. Thinking of all the things that could’ve happened to you.”

“You shouldn’t rely that heavily on me.”

Iruka threw his hands in the air, exasperated. “I don’t!” He crossed his arms and stared at the porcelain above Kakashi’s silver hair. “I don’t stay here because I rely on you, or because you can’t handle things alone, or any of that. I stay because  _ I fucking want to.” _ The words tore through layers of pain, anger, happiness, love, and everything else Kakashi could feel to take root in his soul. His eye widened at the sheer honesty in Iruka’s voice, the way he tried to keep his lip still as he looked back at the ANBU. “Even when I probably shouldn’t have, I st--”

He didn’t get the chance to finish before Kakashi grabbed him, dragging him down into a crushing hug. “I’m sorry,” Kakashi murmured. He began to sway from side to side as Iruka wrapped warm legs around him and carded his fingers through the silver locks. “I’ve never had to deal with this. I’m so sorry. Still learning.” The fact that he was naked below Iruka didn’t matter as he clutched tighter and sought out the teacher’s lips. “Please, Iruka, kiss me.”

A groan rumbled out of Iruka’s chest as Kakashi caught his bottom lip in his teeth and sucked lightly. “Oh, Kakashi, don’t do that,” he croaked. “Not unless you want--oh, shit, no, ‘Kashi, no.” Kakashi grumbled as Iruka pulled his hands away from where they’d snuck under his underwear. His voice was strained as he held Kakashi’s arms out. “You might hurt yourself if you go down that path right now.”

Kakashi bent his head to suck a bruise onto Iruka’s neck, cringing when his new facial scars rubbed against the teacher’s shoulder. “I don’t fucking care,” he said. “Need you.”

Iruka panted heavily above him as he leaned away. “Take a cold shower and if you still feel the same way, we’ll talk,” he said. He scrambled out of Kakashi’s grip and fled, shutting the door behind him. Kakashi ached with need as he unplugged the drain and started the shower, mindful to keep his injury clear of the spray. 

It was the longest five minutes of his life as he mechanically went through the motions, trying not to hiss as he pressed too hard on his stomach.  _ Mine. Need to make you mine.  _ The thought pounded through his head and he thought of Iruka in the next room.  _ Mine.  _ Not for the first time, fierce protectiveness washed over him. He shut off the water and toweled off his head, grabbing one of Iruka’s headbands to pull sideways over his scars.

The sight of Iruka laid out on his bed, muttering ‘bad idea, you can’t, shouldn’t,’ while covering himself with a loosely formed fist was enough to make Kakashi stop short in the doorway. The teacher cracked an eye to look at him and sighed. “Sorry, I just thought we should mayb--”

“Enough thinking,” Kakashi said. He walked slowly to stand by Iruka’s side, dragging a knuckle down the line of his body and drawing out a breathy whine. “Enough talking.” Iruka’s hips bucked when Kakashi covered the tan hand on his cock with his pale one before moving to straddle him. The ANBU bent low to nip at the teacher’s earlobe. “Enough waiting.” He pulled back to stare at the need written on Iruka’s face as he slowly rolled their hips together. “Fuck me.”

 

**

_ Epilogue _

 

Kakashi smiled as he fiddled with the ring on Iruka’s finger.  _ Mine.  _ The brown head laying on his shoulder shifted slightly as name by name was called, the Academy students lined up on stage to graduate. “Haruno, Sakura,” the announcer called, and Iruka’s head rose as she walked across the stage to the sound of cheers and applause.

“Mm, excited, love?” Kakashi asked.

“Aren’t you? He’s your son too,” Iruka said, turning to kiss him. Kakashi laced their fingers together as Sakura exited down the stairs on the opposite side of her class. 

“Hatake, Naruto.”

Iruka shot up and crowed loudly, causing Naruto to blush and duck his head as he shook Tsunade’s hand and took his diploma. Kakashi stood and clapped loudly beside the teacher. “That’s our boy!” Iruka shouted. Naruto gave the pair a thumbs up as he walked across to stand by Sakura, bending to whisper something in her ear. 

“Hyuuga, Hinata.” They stood and clapped for her as well. The young woman had become a part of their family as she and Naruto grew closer, and even Hiashi had reluctantly agreed they made a good pair. 

When they sat, Kakashi leaned to whisper in Iruka’s ear. “So, how about after this we go back to my place and do some wickedly deprav--”

Iruka smacked his shoulder and laughed. “ _ Our  _ place, husband of mine, and you know I can’t say no to such a--” he wiggled his eyebrows, causing Kakashi to snort-- “delicious offer.”

“Just as long as we avoid Tsunade we should be able to get out of here, no problem,” Kakashi said. He’d managed to avoid her for almost six months now, since he’d announced his resignation from ANBU.

**

_ “Come in,” she beckoned. He strode forward confidently as she looked him over, eyes catching on the cloth tied around his face. “To what do I owe the...pleasure, Hound?” Tsunade asked, lip curling as he undid the tie, revealing the still empty socket. They’d offered a prosthetic, but he’d refused. _

_ “Came to discuss terms,” he said, leaning to sit on the corner of her desk.  _

_ She scoffed. “You don’t get to set those,” she said, waving him away. When he didn’t move, she shooed him again. “Seriously, get out. I’ve got other stuff to do.” _

_ “I don’t think you understand,” he said, hoping he hid the way he swallowed hard. “I came to discuss the terms of my resignation.” _

_ That got her attention. “Resignation, Hound?” _

_ “ANBU isn’t the place for me anymore.” _

_ She leaned back, tapping her pen on the oak. “This have anything to do with the Obito incident?” _

_ “No.” He shook his head. “It just isn’t for me anymore.”  _ Gods know I can’t tell you the real fucking reason, that I’m growing, developing into something more than a mindless killing machine. 

_ Her laugh bounced off the high ceiling. “Come back when you’ve got a better reason,” she said. “‘Not for me anymore.’ You think that’ll work on me?” _

_ “No, but the fact that you’re recruiting lower and lower ages might, if I release it,” he said. “Seven years old, Tsunade. I watched a seven year old bleed out in my arms because you’re driving the rest of us away.” _

_ Her eyes widened as she stood, pointing accusingly. “You wouldn’t  _ dare,”  _ she said. _

_ “Watch me.”  _

_ She sat slowly, cautiously. “What do you want?” _

_ “Severance package for a deceased family member,” he said.”$250 thousand and medical benefits for remaining family members, though that’ll include me this time.”  _

_ “That’s it?” Her jaw dropped when he affirmed. “Done, Hound. But that information never, ever gets out.” _

_ “Not a word of it, if you stick to your end of the deal,” he said. She nodded eagerly and reached to shake his hand. He refused in favor of slamming his mask on the desk, cracking it. “Good. Tsunade, I fucking quit.” _

_ ** _

He’d proposed that night after he left the Tower. Iruka had been blown away, never having imagined he’d get that far. He’d cried when Kakashi suggested they formally adopt Naruto as well. 

“Yes, yes, yes,” he’d breathed against Kakashi’s chest. “Oh my god, yes.” When Kakashi slipped the ring on his finger, he’d tackled the older man to the floor and they’d both come undone there, in the soft light of the TV. 

When they told Naruto, the first thing he’d said was that he needed to tell Hinata. “Maybe your dad will like me more now,” they’d heard him say over the phone. “I’m going to be a Hatake, Hinata. Can you imagine? Naruto Hatake?” The pair had exchanged a smile and Kakashi’d kissed Iruka senseless. 

On the day of their wedding, only a few people had shown, none of the new family having close relatives or many close friends. It didn’t matter, because at the end of the day, when they’d collapsed on the couch, Kakashi’s heart was full and his mind at ease. He’d worshipped Iruka that night, using fingers and tongue and every other trick in the book to make him moan Kakashi’s name.

And now here they sat, another milestone down. Naruto flew toward them when the ceremony was done, dragging Hinata, Sakura, and Sasuke behind. “I did it, guys! Thanks for believing in me,” he said, throwing his arms around them both. 

“Of course,” Kakashi said, pressing his chin onto the blond hair. “And thanks for believing in me.” Undoing the remaining seals had been a significant undertaking, but they’d muscled through and come out stronger on the other side. He looked down to Iruka’s beaming face and felt his chest expand with pride.  _ Mine. _

_ Both of you.  Forever. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via [Tumblr](https://sparkswithyou.tumblr.com), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/AryaGrace4), or [Discord](https://discord.gg/sf4E5Up).


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